In Riptides

01 | from there until now

L I A

"Give me a second," I pant, clutching at the stitch in my side. "Where was I?"

"You were yelling at me. Well, trying to. It actually has to be a medical phenomenon about why you're still so unfit when we've been surfing together for months. I mean, a little bike ride is what gets you? How do—"

"Shut up!" I snap through a big huff. "You got to say your piece, and now it's my turn. So just shut your stupid face and let me say what I need to say. Okay, Nathan? Can you do that?"

Nate opens his mouth, a whisper of a word escaping before he thinks better and closes it. He's kind of right. Maybe I am a medical phenomenon. My natural fitness level has never been great, but I'm a better swimmer than I used to be. Now I can paddle out to sea and only get a little breathless, but riding a bike for five minutes has me puffing and panting like I've run a marathon.

Although, to be fair, this was no normal bike ride. I raced here full of adrenaline. In my pajamas, no less, and with every muscle and every thought on fire. But really, the real phenomenon here is the concept of time. How small these moments are in the span of a lifetime, and how so much can happen within them.

Just ten minutes ago, Nate Miller showed up at my house and cut ties with me. Barely a week ago, I distanced myself from Matt following a near-fatal car accident involving Nate and my brother. It feels like only yesterday when I almost lost my virginity to Matt in the heart of New York. Thirteen days ago, I endured an attack of unwelcome advances from Jay Carter in a kitchen, juxtaposed against the moonlit memory of Nate kissing me in another kitchen just one night earlier.

On Halloween, Nate whisked me away to the aquarium, baring his soul about his life before he moved to Oceanview. Prior to that, I found myself balancing on a surfboard for the first time. And the weekend before, Matt told me he loved me for the first time. Back in September in the hazy aftermath of a chaotic party, I suggested a fresh start with Nate, even as our heated memory in a pool house lingered in the air.

As the school year dawned, Nate agreed to teach me how to surf. On just the second day of classes, commotion ensued as our brothers clashed, leading us both to detention. And a month earlier on the tail-end of summer, Matt's first text ignited the flames of a five-year-long crush, finally reciprocated.

From there until now, all these moments and everything in between fell into place like the pages of a book. A string of experiences culminating in this pivotal instant: standing here hunched over in Nate Miller's driveway. And whatever I had planned to say on the way over has evaporated into the midnight air.

But nothing has been going according to plan for months, so why start now?

"How could you just walk away like that?" I scrape back my hair, having finally caught my breath. "You come over and give me that butterfly shell, you tell me you always wanted me, and then you cut me out? Don't I get a say in this?"

Nate rubs his face, his broken arm hanging at his side. "You know we can't be friends if you're with Matt. We can't be anything, Lia. It's not like I like it, but this is how it has to be."

"I can't not have you in my life, Nate. I'll deny this is you tell Rachel, but you're my best friend, okay? You can't just walk away and expect me to accept this! And if you had stuck around a little longer then—"

His eyebrows dip when my breath catches again, but I push through, my words skipping over each other as I let it spew out.

"Ugh, you were right!" I confess. "I've been making it complicated, and it's not. I never thought I could want someone more than I wanted Matt, but here we are. You said you didn't wanna be the asshole who ruined my plans with him, well guess what, asshole? You did! Being with you felt right from that first night in the pool house, and it never came as close with Matt even though I've been in love with him forever! I've been pushing for it to work, and it doesn't, because of you! And you made me love surfing. And the beach! Yeah, I admit it, I love the beach! Even the crappy stuff. I love everything about it because you made me love everything about it! So there!"