INAYAT

the Secret

I step back startled .my mind is in a panic state . his words ringing in my head .

We meet again . this time you won't be able to escape .

He remembers . he remembers it all .
cold sweat breaks out on my forehead . my heart beating loudly . I can't breathe properly .

I look up into his dark eyes . he is still staring at me , this time a smirk is playing on his lips . there is something in his eyes that I can't decipher .
Is it ............amusement ?

Why would he be amused when I am having a silent panic attack in front of him . is he a psychopath or something.

Rose petals fall on us from different directions . all the people around us smiling and cheering .

I don't smile . I just looking into his eyes . fear and panic creeping up to me but I stand firm.

If He is going to ruin me . I won't fall alone I will take him with me .

√√√√√√√

I stare up towards the ceiling of my room. Its 4 am right now . as always I can't sleep .

I just can't shut my mind up . I always do that sleep but today its just out of control . I can't stop thinking about him. Even a mere thought of him brings shivers down my spine .

After the exchanging of rings , I got surrounded by his family . the ladies of the family performed the sagan (exchange of gifts ) ceremony. They gave me many gifts and a lot of blessings . my heart warms thinking about the sweet smile of his mother when she gave me a beautiful gold bangal and said it was family's traditional bangal that were given to her by Dadi ji .

His family treated me like their own daughter . after all the gifts were exchanged , I look around searching for him but he was nowhere . he literally vanished from his own engagement ceremony .

I can't believe it . but the thing is I can't believe anything that's happened to me in these past few days. I can't believe it that I am getting married .

I always used to despise the idea of marriage . seeing my aunt betraying my uncle everyday . she used to lie to him so smoothly . I hated it . I hated the idea of being such a fool in love that you can kill yourself for another .

I also hated the idea of sharing your everything with another . if they are sad , you also get sad . its like your everything depends on the other .

Why marry ? When you can stay single and live a peaceful life alone .

My opinion is still the same on this matter . but after everything happened the lines have blurred . and the main point is this marriage will mean nothing . I am doing this only for my uncle . for his health and happiness.

And I am sure that for Siddharth too this marriage would just be a duty . even if it is something else for him , I will make sure to clear all the conditions of this marriage with him in the mehandi ceremony that is after 2 days .

There is still a lot of panic in me . and the fear that he will tell everyone about that night . but I am trying to put that aside and handle this logically . I swear if he tells uncle about it then I will.................agh I have nothing to hold over his head . but I will surely slit his throat if he dares to reveal the secret.

I sigh and get up to drink a glass of water . I go downstairs in the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water . I drink it in one go and head upstairs .

I was heading towards my room when I hear some noises coming from uncle's room . I freeze

Did something happen to him ?

I quickly run towards his room but when I reach there the door is already a bit open . from the small opening I see uncle sitting on his rock chair . he has a photo of aunt in his hands , he is crying and talking to her picture . my heart aches seeing this , he still loves her a lot.

I was turning back to go to my room when I heard something that made me freeze in my place .

"That girl , I know you hated her because she ran away . I know you never wanted her to even step her foot in this house . but I am sorry I broke the promise that I made to you . she is my sister's daughter .her mother.....
He pause for a second then continues

" uski ammi ne ek vada liya tha hamse , I am sorry I never told you this but I can't keep it in my heart anymore . one day before her death , she came to our house . you were out to do some shopping . I welcomed her with a smile despite there being some disagreement between us because she married a Muslim . but it had been a long time since my sister came home so I let it go . she was sad , very sad . she didn't say much just gave me all the belongings of Noor and took a promise.
A promise that has been killing me inside . she asked me to promise her that I will treat Noor like my own daughter , give her love and treat her good . with a sad smile she said that Her Noor says she wants marry one day . find a husband like her ammi found her abbu . she asked me to find Noor a good husband , who treats her right . in the end , she asked me to make one last promise , to not look into it , and let that secret be secret .

Before I could ask her why was she making me promise all this . she ran away and the next day the news that she and her husband had died reached me . I was shattered by this . it all made sense why was she making promise her all those things . she knew they were going to die .
Before I could look much into it , I had the 4 year old Noor to take care of . but I still didn't stop , I was trying to search for the truth but one day I found a diary in their old house , it was empty but on the last page in bold letters it was written that
DON'T LOOK INTO OUR DEATHS , ITS FOR THE BEST THAT THIS SECRET DIES WITH US . AND PLEASE KEEP YOUR PROMISE THAT YOU MADE TO ME . she knew I would look into it . I feel like a coward now when I think about it . but whatever it was ,I let that secret be secret . I tried to keep my promise to her . "

He sighs still looking at the picture .

I run to my room . tears streaming down my face . I fall on the bed clutching the pillow tightly . uncle's words haunting me . I was told that my parents died in an incident . but this truth that my mother knew that they were going to die has shattered my heart .
Thousands of questions rise up in my head.

If ammi knew they were going to die then why ? Why didn't she run away , or try to stop it .

Why did she make uncle promise to not look into it . to let that secret be secret .?

Why why why

I bury my head into the pillow , my tears wetting it .

Why did she leave me alone in this cruel world ?

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-yours not truly
Darkrose.