INAYAT

Alive

The next morning

I wake up clutching my head in both my hands . it hurts so bad . it must be because of all the crying I did yesterday. Even after I had lied down on tue couch , I couldn't stop shivering and crying . so Siddharth picked me up and brought me to the bed . he gently placed me on the bed and lied down beside me . no words were exchanged , I was staring at the ceiling , holding his hand tightly and he was staring at me . his presence was strangely comforting yesterday .

"Good morning , wife" I look up and see my husband smiling and serving the tea for me . I stare at him , speechless . I don't know what to do or say . after what happened yesterday , I am just baffled . my life has turned upside down in the span of a month .

I lean back on the headrest and take small sips of my tea , observing him as he sits casually on an armchair by my side , wearing his damn black spectacles and reading a book . those spectacles have been a matter of distraction for me since the day I saw him wearing those . he has them on rarely . but even in those rare times , its quite hard to divert my attention.

"I know I am hot and you want keep staring at me for eternity . but right now you need to keep your focus on your tea because that is going to spill on you , wife" he said without looking up and I immediately looked down to the tea in my hands and it was indeed going to spill on me . is he an alien or something ? like how did he know that without looking damn up .

"Oh please , stop being so delusional" I say and roll my eyes . I was not in mood to talk to anybody but this man always gets me to talk , somehow . or to be more clear, he gets on my nerves so much that I have to talk .

"Yes , yes whatever the queen says . by the way , do you want to go to the amusement park with me , today?" He asks as he wraps the newspaper and keep it aside. 

I raise my eyebrow.  Is he asking me out on a date ?

"No not with me , with us .actually, Arohi and Arijit wanted to go to the amusement park so they insisted that you come along with us too " he hurriedly explains . nervousness latching on his voice .  strange ,why is he nervous tho?

I ponder about it for a while . in my childhood , I never really got to visit the amusement parks . never had the resources or time . then even the desire of wishing to go there died , slowly . during my stay in Bangalore , I was a workhalic .

"Yes , I will go with you all " I say keeping my poker face . his face lights up but he conceals it really fast . why does he look like he won a war or something?

"I will go tell those monkeys about it " he says and leaves .

I lean back on the headboard . I agreed to go because  even for a short time , this might distract me from the inner turmoil going on . I sigh . lets see how this chaotic day goes .

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After two hours , we are standing in enterance of the grand amusement park . the afternoon sun burns daggers at us . Arohi walks by me side ,telling me some gossip of her college . by out side , Arijit and Raj bicker as Arijitn annoys the hell out of Raj . Raj didn't want to come with us , but he was practically dragged here  with us by  none other than Arohi and Arijit .

My husband walks behind us as he is discussing something with the bodyguards. I feel strange having bodyguards with us , but I know its for safety.

As we walk around ,I stare at the big rides and the beautiful colours everywhere with widened eyes . I would have been so happy if I had been here when I was the 4 year old Noor.  there are so many people here , I don't feel comfortable crowds but I try to avoid the anxiety and focus on where Arohi drags me to a very scary looking ride .

"No , no no Arohi . I can't go up there.  No please you go . " I say shaking my head.  I don't know . even looking at that  makes me so anxious . it looks fun but I am scared as heck .

"Bhabhi kuch nhi hoga . see it looks so fun . you will like it , come na" she says as she tries again to drag me but i don't budge from my place .

She was about to say something again but she looks behind me and leaves to join Arijit and Raj at the ticket counter ,while smiling . what happened ?

"Kya hua itni jaldi dar gyi aap , Mrs Singhania?" I hear him whisper Before I could turn back to look who it was . I roll my eyes and rage rises inside me as I glare at him.  He smirks as he keeps his stare ahead on the ride.

"Main aur yeh choti si ride se darungi ? Really , you are underestimating me , Mr . Singhania . you just wait and watch " I say in a challenging tone as i confidently work towards where Arohi is waiting for me .

I confidently get on the ride and a man straps the safety belt around each on of us . I take a deep breath . how dare that man underestimate me? I will show him.

Soon the ride starts and I forget the challenge , I forget about everything . I get lost in the fun . I laughed so much . Arohi and Arijit were on the verge of crying . but i , I was shouting and cheering.  It felt so good . I felt so free when it went up on that edge and then fell down. My heart was racing fast .

I loved it so much that when it ended , I got in it again for another round . this time i dragged my husband with me . he was reluctant but I convinced him, somehow . the ride started and I again got lost in the ecstasy.  It felt like I was a bird , free from the world . I have never felt this alive in my whole life . I felt a part of the child that I thought had died the day my aunt first hit me. 

When the ride ended , I looked towards him with a smile . I found him staring at me , his eyes having a emotion that I couldn't decipher. He was in a daze . I clapped my hands in front of him multiple times , then only he got out of the daze. When I asked him about it , he said it was nothing .

Currently , all of us are siting in a beautiful open space. A corner of the park where there are not much people . we can see the beautiful sunset from here. Arohi , Arijit and raj silently eat their food . All of them are exhausted because of the many rides I had dragged them all to . I still have a lot of energy . there are still some rides that are left .

I stare at Sidharth who is dozing off and is about to bang his head on the table for the second time in he last 5 minutes. I guess he was up all night .strange feelings rise again and i get an idea. It is a very very impulsive and I know I will regret it later.  But I still go on with it .

With my left hand , I gently place his head on my right shoulder . he moves a little but soon gets comfortable .I feel a very strange warmth but I ignore it.  we still have sometime so I will let him rest. I will give this as a payback for the wonderful day i had today.

I bring my stare back at the beautiful sunset on my left . this feels..........peaceful . but I know the dreadful reality that awaits .

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P:S After quite a long time , I know . so thought of trying to get you all to forgive me with this sweet chapter .

Let me know if it worked or not .

Wishing a very Happy Diwali to you all . have fun .

Thanks for reading .
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-yours not so truly

Darkrose.