Now after Diane left that doesn't mean I haven't been with women since. I sure have. Even ended up engaged with another gal, I met her in my sex addicts therapy group. And well, she slept with my best friend so had to let go of that. Now I tell you, I've been really trying to be a better man. As I mentioned, I've been going to therapy to help with my sex addiction. That was really hard to finally admit to myself ... that I do have a problem. Took a lot of processing of my childhood and well being raised in a culture where the more women you had the more manlier you are didn't exactly help. And I know, I was most likely, if not, the man who'd assholes look up to. Hell I'd pride myself for being the blueprint. But I had to wake up. Over the years of learning what healthy relationships entails, the parameters of consent and above all that my escapade of gathering as much women will never fulfill the emptiness of validation I seek— I now see how I wronged so many women. Even if they didn't realize it, I took advantage of them. And I let that take advantage of me. Really a guy like me should not be celebrated. Should not have pats in the back. I can't change the past, but all I can control is what's ahead. And I just want to be better. To be someone I can genuinely say I'm proud of. My playboy era will always be a sour spot in my character, and I'm still finding ways to reconcile with that. Really I don't think I can ever. And I guess that's the cost.
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In Retrospect, My Love
Roman d'amourSam "Mayday" Malone's world turned upside down once he met Diane Chambers. They gave it their best shot, got engaged thrice but never tied the knot; coming to the conclusion that there were just not meant to be. Now old in age, it's been 15 years s...
