Feels too Good

Chapter 3

Too many questions. Too many reasons. Too many possibilities.

Even up until this time, I am yet to know the real reason why I came back to the past. Mas lalo lamang nadagdagan ang pag-iisip ko dahil sa usapan namin kanina ni Ma'am Evelyn.

After I was confused of her words, I ask her what does she means and all she said was "I just don't want you to be late again. A working scholar should never be late. Now choose your preferred course."

Hindi ko alam kung assumera lang ba ako pero nararamdaman ko na hindi lamang tungkol sa pagiging late ko ang ibig sabihin ni Ma'am. Pakiramdam ko ay mayroon siyang ibang ibig sabihin. It may sound crazy but I feel like what she said has a double meaning — I should value time because firstly, I am a working scholar that should be very punctual, and lastly, because I am a time traveller and I should live my life to the fullest.

"Here you are, Amaris!" Muntikan na akong matumba nang bigla na lamng may umakbay sa akin. Kunot noo ko itong tiningnan at nakita ko na naman si Yenna or Yenny — basta si ano — na nakangiti sa akin.

"Hi!" bati ko pa sa kanya. Trying to really recall her name dahil nakakahiya naman kung hindi ko matandaan ang pangalan niya.

"You're going to your class? Anong course ang kinuha mo?"

"Educ na lang. Wala nang slot eh." I absentmindedly said.

"Grabe ka naman sa course natin, beh! Maganda rin naman ang education ah." She excitedly said which took me a couple of seconds to process.

"Educ ka rin?!" nanlalaki ang mga mata ko nang balingan ko siya. Akala ko kasi ay mag-n-nursing siya. She told me that before — or is my memory playing with me again? Sabagay, everything she told me was ten years ago. Paano ko nga ba maaalala?

"Yeah, yeah. I know I told you I am going to get any medical course pero nagbago isip ko eh." she smiled sadly. Kung ang dating Amaris siguro ang kaharap niya, malamang ay hindi niya mapapansin ang malungkot na ngiting ito ng kaibigan. But the Amaris she's with at this moment is different. I've been through a lot so I know how it feels to smile even without joy pressing the buttons.

Isn't amazing though how we can smile amidst the sadness eating our whole being? — or maybe it's not amazing at all. Rather, it is scary; to smile while crying, to act strong while hurting.

"Okay lang 'yan. We often change decisions you know. I even change my decision a second ago." I said as I let out a small laugh. Nang marinig niya ang sinabi ko ay tumawa na rin siya.

As we walk towards our destination, we talk a lot about ourselves. I finally get to remember her name — She's not Yanna or Yenny. Her name is Yanis. We're on the same course so I think we'll be friends officially na.

Nang makarating kami sa aming first class ay agad na kaming humanap ng mauupuan. Kakaunti pa lamang ang mga estudyante na nasa loob kaya malaya kaming nakapili ni Yanis. We sat on the second row of the first column.

As I sat down, I look around the classroom. The classroom is quiet clean. Dapat lang 'no. Mahal kaya ang tuition dito. Not me though as it is free for my case.

As I continue looking around, my gaze suddenly stop at the presence of a man sitting on the first row beside the window just staring blankly at the sky. I knew him..

I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness at the sight of him. The truth is.. living on the past and traveling back in time isn't always a happy thing as you were given a chance to change everything. This absurd miracle also means experiencing agony all over again, and meeting people you thought you will never meet again — Just like Nanay and yes, Harven. The man I am currently staring at.