Letters to God

Letter #2

Dear Lord,

I asked you to restore my marriage. Make us better than we ever were. Your word says in 1 Peter 5: 10-11 "Yes. You will suffer for a short time. But, after that, God will make everything right. He will make you strong. He will support you and keep you from falling."  How long is a short time? I've been suffering for half a year alone. I've drawn closer to you. I've been studying your word and I'm remembering parts of the Bible.
I'm not questioning your methods father, I'm questioning why I still feel like this after so long? Why would I be allowed to hurt like this for months? I do as you lead me to do. I resisted communication, I resisted temptation, I've resisted everything I can think of. I've hit my knees nightly praying for her to wake up from her rebellion. I've prayed for the affair partner to go back to the real woman he loves and stop destroying my family. I've prayed for my wife to stop listening to false accusations and searching for false prophets to give her answers that she only needs to see within. I've released my pride and prayed she would release hers. But nothing is working.
Have I totally misunderstood your promise? The words I was given? I wrote them down months ago and I had started checking things off only to have to scratch out a couple check marks a few days later. Yes she did return. But she left again, the soul tie and being in close proximity to him didn't help, so I waited for the other promise to break them apart. Her loosing her job would separate them and her loosing it because of him would definitely separate them permanently. That's coming I know. I feel it coming soon.
The house being sold. That was completed today. She chose those outcomes when she chose the house and her job over our relationship, I knew then that she was going to loose them both. She chose material things over what you brought together. Your word says in Mark 10:9 and in Matthew 19:6 " What god has joined together, let no man put asunder."
She allowed material things to come between what you ordained. I also feel sorry for the affair partner, for your vengeance is way worse than anything I could come up with. But I'm torn over how I feel. Why must I keep getting this hurt in my heart? I've read about broken heart syndrome. Having a heart attack from your heart literally being over stressed from grieving a loss. Why cause my heart to feel this over and over and over again? My chest hurts from the pain? The tears drip down my cheeks as if I standing in the rain.
Then there is how she blamed me for her having to sale the house because I wanted my half of what it's worth? She couldn't afford to refinance it to give me $80k but i got more when she sold it. But let's be honest, your word says in Hebrews 13:4 " Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." She defiled the home when she brought that man into our house and let him sleep in our bed. She doomed our house to fall.
But you want us to stay married no matter what? So she has to face your judgement. But I'm suffering with her father. Yes I have read where it's ok to leave an adulterous wife, she will condemn anyone she is with as an adulterant and doom them to sin and lust. But I have also read that you don't want us to divorce no matter what. For marriage is used to draw us closer to you and heaven. Yes there are trials and hard times during a marriage but you want that marriage to go through those pains. Lean on you and become better together.
But then how does one forgive? You state for us to forgive those that have offended us as you have forgiven us for our offenses. But what happens when they keep offending us? Jesus stated that we should forgive 70 times 7. Do we have that ability in us? The continued hurt some people give us? Should it grow into bitterness and fester?
We should let it go according to your word, for those that refuse to forgive will not be forgiven by you. So the problem becomes how do we forgive fully? I feel as if I have forgiven. I've spoke it out loud to her multiple times. I've offered her my home to stay, I've offered her my money, I've offered her everything whenever she needs it. Does that also make me part of the problem when she is facing judgement?
The problem I'm seeing is she is facing judgment but she is working through it without taking any fault of her own. She is blaming others for her troubles. I don't want her to pass away before you can fulfill the other promises that had been written down. I would love to witness them and see her become as great as I know she can be.
So please father, take the hurt from me, grant her the time needed to repent and be better, but also show her how her actions are the cause of her problems. Accountability needs to come and she needs to learn how to respect the ones she claims to love.
Please father help me through this pain as I watch her slowly destroy her life. She is being led by the enemy and she refuses to see what her actions are creating.

Amen