Emotionless | DAERIN

27: the break-up

I couldn't concentrate all day today because I have yet to talk to Hanni. I don't know why it's so hard to just say those simple five words, "I'm breaking up with you," but I can't, and now it's messing with my sleep. I hate losing sleep.

I rolled over and checked the time: 1:26 AM. "Well, might as well get it done and over with."

I grabbed my phone and sent Hanni a text. Hopefully, she won't talk long because I hate texting or talking for long periods.

Me: Hey, I need to talk to you sometime tomorrow.

Hanni: Yeah, sure? Is everything ok?

Me: Yeah. Now I'm getting some sleep. See you tomorrow.

Hanni: Ok, I'll see you tomorrow... I love you.

I left it at that, put my phone down, and turned over to go to sleep, but not without feeling that horrible feeling in my stomach. It's worse than feeling warm... It was guilt, and it sucks. I mean, I don't know why I feel guilty, but if I remember what my therapist said when I was younger about trying to understand what others feel, then guilt is, I think, the right feeling. I feel it because I liked someone else while still dating her.

* * *

"Haerin, wake up! You're gonna be late!" Gosh, why is she so loud in the mornings? "I'm not going to say it again!"

"I'm getting up. Now quit nagging," I said to my mom.

"Watch your tone," she yelled.

I checked the time and saw I had about 30 minutes to get ready. I got up and went to the bathroom, and on cue, in came Red.

"I still don't see how you know when I'm going to the bathroom, you weird dog." Red, like usual, just sighed and laid down until I was finished. I got up, flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and continued getting dressed.

"Since I'm running late, can I drive to school?" I asked, walking into the kitchen. To my surprise, I saw Hanni sitting at the table talking with my dad. Why is she here? And in my house?

"That's not necessary since Hanni here is kindly taking you today," my mom smiled.

"Yeah, don't worry, Mrs. Kang, I got this," Hanni said, smiling.

"That's good to hear! Now hurry and get to school."

I mentally sighed, grabbed my bag, and followed Hanni out of the house and got in her car. The drive to school was quiet, which was strange. She pulled into the parking lot and parked the car, then turned it off. I was about to get out when I noticed Hanni just sitting there staring in front of her.

"Hanni, let's go to class," I said, getting out, but she stopped me.

"No, not yet. I wanna have that talk you wanted," she said, turning her head and looking at me with a sad expression. I guess I might as well get it over with.

"I'm breaking up with you," I said without a second thought getting in the way.

Tears slowly streamed down her face, and she turned, looking straight in front of her again. I felt that guilty feeling again. I have to apologize, but apologies make me uncomfortable. But I'm going to have to do it.

"I am sorry. It's just that I don't love you the same way you love me."

She wiped her tears and half-smiled, "Yeah, I know." Wait, she knows? "I also know that you've liked Danielle ever since I first got here. When I carried you to your room the other night, I saw crumpled drawings of her on your floor. I mean, it was pretty obvious. I didn't see how you didn't notice."