This Is Me Trying

164 11 6

by avlovests

by avlovests

Lover💗: I-I..

She starts talking fast and panicky.

Lover💗: I-I'm sorry Rep

She breaks down into tears and Rep holds her in her arms.

Rep🖤: Woahwoah what's going on babe? You can tell me anything, I'm here for you always my girl. What's going on?

Lover pulls away from Rep and wipes her eyes with her sleeves and looks directly into Rep's eyes.

- Rep's POV -

I've never seen her cry. I'm shaking, I'm really nervous to know what she has been hiding for a few months. Lover isn't the person to cry or break someone's heart. She is so sweet and kind and I- I don't know. I'm speechless, she's never cried in front of me before but I already hate it, I don't wanna see her upset. To be honest, I get why she wouldn't tell me something for so long, we've only known each other since January, it's only June. And I'm not the person who would look kind yk? Like I promise I'm always here for you and I am genuinely kind and I'll help anyone who needs it and I'll protect the ones I love but I guess I might not look like that type of person because I wear a lot of black (I don't dress like extreme or anything tho, it's always just like ripped jeans, joggers, hoodies, t-shirts and yk what everyone wears). I do know how to fight, but I would never do that to Lover, or my friends. I want her to know I'm not gonna be mad with her, I just wanna help. My mind is racing like CRAZY with thoughts rn all about what she will say. I will admit, I'm nervous.

Lover💗: I-

She takes a big deep breath to calm herself, her breath is shaky. She isn't looking it Rep anymore though.

Rep🖤: You don't need to be nervous my love, I'm only here to help you, I promise

Lover starts talking, she's talking fast and starting to cry again as she's talking but Rep can understand what she's saying.

Lover💗: I haven't been eating and I've been passing out after almost every show and I keep having panic attacks all the time when I've never really suffered with that before so idk how to help myself and whenever I have one, I always throw up and sometimes pass out then too. I've been hurting myself too in many different ways, which is why I've been wearing long sleeves on tour, at home and in bed. That's why I lock myself in the bathroom for a while sometimes! I'm not doing my mascara at all it's that. It's all fucking that! I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know how to even start eating, I don't know what to do and I'm really sorry Rep I should've told you ages ago, You could've helped but it's all my fault, I've probably made you worried, I can tell because you've been asking me how I am a lot more and you look worried a lot, I've probably scared you shitless and you probably thought I hated you or something, but I promise I don't, I would never. I love you more than anything. I don't know how much longer I can live like this Rep I really don't. I can't put the pressure on you to help me, I would never expect you to help me with it all and especially not when I'm throwing up from panic attacks, I know you hate that. I just felt it was right to tell you and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Lover is sat down on the sofa with her head in her hands. She's sobbing.