brown // kim seungmin ✔️

chapter three

like clockwork

"hello? can you hear me?" your mothers voice sounds through your phone as you walk up the stairs to your dorm, keys jingling in your hands.

"yes, mom." you chuckle. "loud and clear."

"good. how were midterms?" she asks as you push open the door to your floor.

"we don't get grades back until break is over." you tell her, focused on not dropping your keys or your coffee.

"oh okay. when do you want me to come and get you?" she asks, your face instantly dropping at the question. you had completely forgotten to tell her.

"right, about that..." you trail off, shoving the key to your dorm in the lock.

"don't tell me you're not coming home? it's been four months!" your mom complains.

"i know! but my friends and i have planned a trip for the break, we're all going to spend it on the beach here." you inform her.

"have you told seungmin about this?" she asks.

right... seungmin...

"yeah." you lie. you hear a scoff.

"i hope they're not teaching you to lie up there." she retorts.

"what?" you question.

"you haven't told seungmin. if you had, he wouldn't have asked me this morning to come over and set up a welcome home party." you frown at the words, guilt coursing through your body.

"he did that?" you ask.

"yup. and i'm going to have to be the one to tell him it's not happening." you could tell your mom was slightly annoyed. sure you felt bad, having only contacted seungmin a handful of times, but you just were not prepared for the busy schedule that came with being a full time college student. you thought you could handle it, but days went by and you hardly had time to even think about talking to someone that wasn't your roommate, classmates, or professors.

the small chats that you did have with seungmin were mostly filled with you apologizing for being so busy, and him telling you it's fine.

"no, i'll do it. i'll call him now." you tell her, already dreading it.

"look honey, i know you're busy, but maybe try to be a little more communicative with us so something like this doesn't happen again. i hope you have fun on your trip, and stay safe."

"i know, mom. i'm sorry, ill do better." you apologize. "but thank you, i'll be safe." you add.

"okay. bye honey, love you."

"love you too." the call ends and you find yourself frozen in place with a small frown on your lips. your finger hovering over seungmin's contact. of course he would plan something for you, he was your best friend, and you were supposed to come home and visit for the first time since you left. but you were also supposed to text and call each other every day. a lot of empty promises fell through the moment you stepped onto campus, and you can't exactly say you regret it. your time at this school has been an absolute blast, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

of course, you knew it would be better with seungmin there, but he wasn't there. you didn't see a point in dwelling on that fact. you knew that's not what he would want you to do. with much reluctance, you press on his contact, the ringing filling your ears as you bring the phone to them.

"hey, you!" seungmin's joyful voice sounds as he picks up the call.

"hey..." you reply, a drastic difference to his tone, and he picked up on it immediately.

"everything okay?" he asks.

"i have to tell you something." you state, rather seriously, seungmin tensing up, worried for your next words. "i'm not coming home for break." you tell him, speaking rather fast as you just wanted to rip the bandaid off.

"oh." the reply was short, and you couldn't tell how he was feeling based off the one word response, but you were certain he wasn't exactly happy.

"it was a last minute decision... some friends and i up here are going to the beach so..." you add, a little white lie, but he doesn't need to know that the trip had been planned for a month now.

"no i understand." his tone was blank, seemingly no emotion behind it.

"but um... i could probably work something out and get down there the weekend after the break." you tell him, something you knew you couldn't guarantee, but talking to him made you feel extremely guilty, knowing he had a small party planned for you, and knowing him, he probably planned so much more.

"if you can that would be nice, but you know, no worries if not."

"yeah..." you trail off.

"i uh... i hope you have fun with your friends." he speaks, you could tell he was forcing himself to continue the conversation.

"do um... do you have any plans for the break?" you ask. hating how your conversations lately have become so forced.

"not really." he replies blankly, your heart dropping at the response. had he really planned his whole break around you? and now you were essentially leaving him with nothing to do? god, you felt like an asshole.

"really? what about the guys—"

"hey, i've actually gotta go, i have... something to do so, i'll call you some other time." he cuts you off, he genuinely just wasn't in the mood to continue the conversation. he felt heartbroken. he felt ridiculous. why did he even think for a second things would work out with you when you'd barely managed to call him in the four months you'd been gone? god, he felt like an idiot.

"oh, yeah... okay..." you reply.

"bye." and with that, the call ends. you let out a breath you didn't know that you were holding, sighing as you drop your phone into your lap.