brown // kim seungmin ✔️

chapter four

holes

"wakey wakey!" your roommates cheerful voice fills your ears. with a yawn, you open your eyes, chuckling slightly at her. "it's beach time!" she claps happily, running back to her side of the room. it had been only two days since you had talked to seungmin, and the guilt was practically eating away at you. so much so that you'd almost considered cancelling on the beach trip. "the others will be here shortly, so get dressed." your roommate speaks again.

"yeah, i'm gonna grab a shower." you tell her, hopping out of your bed, phone in hand as you head to the small bathroom connected to your dorm. as soon as the door closed behind you, you felt like breaking down. a wave of regret washing over you.

what had you been doing the last four months? you thought you were having fun, living the college experience. and it honestly felt that way. but in doing so, you seemingly burned a bridge with the one you had originally planned to share it all with. all of the empty promises you made in the beginning.

you felt awful. you remember being so worried that he would forget about you, when all along, it ended up being you that forgot about him. but were you really in the wrong? phones work both ways, and seungmin rarely made an effort to contact you as well.

your mind boggled, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong, and you found yourself scrolling to the text conversation between the two of you. you scrolled all the way up, to four months ago. admittedly, it didn't take you that long to scroll there, which seemed to make your heart break just a little bit more.

you read over the conversation with tear filled eyes.

seungmo <3

august 28th

first day home without you,
might commit a crime

you're a menace to society,
you know?

that's your opinion.

how's your roomie?

she's nice! we're getting
dinner together!

ooh? save some for me?

yeah, i'll just uber it back
down to you.

i'll be waiting.

dork.

love you :)

love you <3

september 23rd

what's the proper way to
pronounce "touché"?

too shay

THANK YOU.

hahaha, why do you ask?

my botany professor says "toochie"...

gross.

october 27th

any plans for halloween?
read october 27th

october 29th

sorry! i just saw this!
i'm going to a party with my
roommate. we're going as
avengers.

oh that's cool! send me
pictures?

of course!

november 26th

happy thanksgiving!
is it still your fav holiday?

duh.

spend it well! sorry i
couldn't make it home!
exams are coming up...

no worries!

-

honestly, the conversations were pathetic. if you didn't know any better, you wouldn't be convinced that the two of you were supposed to be best friends. you couldn't believe how quickly it seemed to happen. thinking to yourself in that first month that you'd text him over the weekend, because your week was too busy. but then your weekends begun to fill up with the new friends you were making here. and that cycle repeated itself over and over, until these small, pathetic excuses for a conversation would come up.

you even only now realized you never sent him your halloween pictures like he had asked. but were you really in the wrong? is it really such a bad thing that you had started to have a life up here, without him? surely he had to be doing the same. he wouldn't be waiting for you to text him every single day. surely he would have moved on and started living life again. right?

"hurry up in there!" a loud bang on the door jolts you from your thoughts, you could tell that your other friends had arrived. you hadn't even realized how much time had passed since you'd walked into the bathroom. so you quickly lock your phone, sitting it to the side before replying.

"you can't rush perfection!" you call out in a teasing tone. you had to push back all of the negative thoughts. you were going on a trip with your friends for the break, you were supposed to be having fun. supposed to be relaxing and unwinding after hours of studying for exams.

yet, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't get seungmin out of your head. it was almost as if a lightbulb had turned on in your brain, and you remember a conversation the two of you had, one that seemed as if it had happened ages ago.

"if we get to a point where we just need a break from everything, call me, any time, any day, we'll drop everything and get together. but only when things are too tough to handle."

did he even remember this? would he even still do it after such a lack of contact? and after the disappointment you'd put him through just two days prior? you weren't sure, but at this point, you didn't think you had anything to lose.

and with that in mind,

you were calling him, the sound of the phone ringing fills your ears, echoing through the tiny bathroom.

only,

he doesn't pick up.

"your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, the person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. please leave a message after the tone."

beep.