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Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Routine

The next couple of weeks we fell into a nice routine. Dad and I would have breakfast together, then I'd go to school and he'd go to work. I'd get out of school and find something to entertain me until he got home.

It only took a few weeks for school to be out and summer break to start. Dad had asked me if I was interested I'm getting a summer job and I was kind of excited about it.

He had gotten me a job at the Newton's Camp Store about a mile away from home. It was fairly easy to settle in, as we didn't get many customers. I learned where everything went in the store by stocking the shelves. And I learned how to cashier and use the register, which is easier than I thought it would be.

I worked with Mike and Mrs. Newton in the store. Mike helped me with the general things in the store, while Mrs. Newton managed the finances and managerial duties. Mr. Newton manned another one of their stores in Seattle. The Newtons were fairly well off because of the two stores they own, I found it very admirable.

I fell into a routine of waking up at 7 AM and getting ready to go to work, where dad would drop me off before heading off to work himself. Then I'd go through the work day and occasionally have Mike's friends stop by the store to chat. I'd slowly become friends with them as well and it was a nice feeling. Being able to talk to people freely without being anxious that they'll hear rumours about me is lovely.

I'd gotten really close to the girls in particular, Angela, Jessica, and Lauren. We were close enough that they'd invited me outside of work a couple times. I really like them because they were easy to talk to, even Lauren who could be bitchy sometimes, but I'd never say that to her face.

Overall life has been better than I could even imagine it would ever be. It felt so much easier being here in Forks, it was relieving. After getting off of work Mike and I said our goodbyes for the day.

When I was walking home I was a little anxious. I wanted to bring up getting diagnosed for ASD at the doctors, but I wasn't 100% sure how he'd react. I know he'd probably be fine, but that still doesn't calm my dumb nerves down.

A little later when I heard dad come in through the front door, I steeled my nerves and walked downstairs.

"Hey Li," He said "What's wrong, you look nervous?"

"Hey dad. I'm ok, I just wanted to ask a question." I said.

"Of course, what's going on?"

"You know I was diagnosed with anxiety," I paused and took a breath. "I was wondering if you could book me an appointment to get tested for autism?"

"Yeah. Is that what you were nervous about?" He asked. "You're my kid, nothing will change that. Whether you like boys, or girls. Or whatever's going on in your head. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me."

I got a little teary eyed at what he had said, so I gave him a big hug so he couldn't see it.

"I love you dad, thank you." I said quietly.

"I love you too Li." He replied quietly.

He had booked me an appointment with a psychologist in a couple of weeks, but it was business as usual until then.

The weeks went by fairly fast, with me getting used to the schedule it was easy. It was the day of my appointment and I had taken the day off of work so I could solely focus on this.

While dad and I were in the car, we chatted on the way.

"How're you feeling Li?" He asked.

"I'm a little nervous, but it's a good nervous. I'm ready for this to be done and over with. Either with the diagnosis I thought, or maybe something else." I replied honestly.

"We'll figure out what's going on in your noggin today." We both laughed at that.

As we kept driving I couldn't stop my legs from bouncing, or fidgeting with my hands. My fingers are pretty scarred from picking at them over the years. I don't think they look gross, but I can understand why people find it disgusting. I mean, who wants a girl with blood stained fingers all the time. I've always been self conscious about myself, but it's gotten a little better in the last year. I still don't think I'm very pretty, and I look sickly skinny and pale. I don't think I'm ugly per say, but I can't imagine anyone ever calling me something like 'gorgeous'. I'm not a nice type of skinny, I look like a sick Victorian child. Never mind that depressing stuff though.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot and headed into the mental health part of the building. There was no elevator in this part of the building, so we had to walk up a couple of flights of stairs. It was a bit of a hassle as it put some strain on my knees and hips. I've had this problem since I was a kid.

When we made it to the right floor, I checked in and sat in the lobby to wait for my appointment. It only took a couple of minutes as this part of the hospital is generally pretty slow.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Dad asked.

"I should be ok, it's just a little test right?" I replied.

He gave me a smile as I left with the nurse into the doctor's office. The nurse got my vitals and asked me some basic questions, like why I was here. It was hard to make eye contact with him as I was getting fairly nervous at this point. The nurse got what he needed and then headed out to let the doctor know that I was ready to be seen.

A few minutes of me picking at my fingers later, and I heard a knock on the door. In came a lovely looking doctor who gave me a very kind smile.

"Hi, my name is Dr. Johnston, nice to meet you Aaliyah." She said softly.

I gave a quiet "Hi" back.

"So I see you're in here for an autism assessment. Are you able to tell me why you think that you may have autism?" She asked patiently.

"Well, I was diagnosed with anxiety while I was in middle school. Besides that I have a hard time looking people in the eyes, I have very specific interests and I don't understand a lot of social situations, along with not being able to socialise very easily I have to know someone first before I get introduced to any other people." I said all in one breath, taking in a large gasp of air at the end.

"Well I can see where you're coming from, so I have this assessment sheet that I'd like for you to fill out, and then I can see about getting you a diagnosis soon, alright?" She smiled.

"Thank you..." I was embarrassed because I just started ranting before. Dr. Johnston gave me a sheet to work on and a pencil to write in my answers. It took me all of fifteen minutes to get it completed. Once I was done, I handed the sheet and pencil back to her, still not looking at her face.

"Alright, give me a few minutes to look over this, and then I'll see what we can do, hm?" She said.

I just nodded and I continued to pick at my fingers in silence. I had set my legs on the chair and sat with them crossed and continued to shift in the uncomfortable silence. I'm sure it was only uncomfortable for me though.

After a few minutes, which felt like hours, Dr. Johnston finally looked up from the paper and at me. "Well it seems like you were totally correct. It seems that most people who come in for an autism assessment already know they have it, but it's always good to have an official diagnosis. That way people don't doubt you, right?"

I let out a deep breath and my eyes started to swell with tears. It was good that I had the diagnosis, but this really just means that I'll never be normal and that made me sad.

"OK" was all I could manage.

"Are you ready to get out of here? Looks like your battery is low." she chuckled. I laughed a little bit as well, also agreeing with her.

She opened the door and led me back out to the lobby where dad was. I walked up to him and just hugged him. I was totally drained just from that thirty minute appointment.

"Hey Li, You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, just tired. Can we go home?" I said quietly.

"Yeah, of course. Though I do have to warn you, I have another appointment set up for you tomorrow. Just a physical check up to make sure you're doing ok." He said."That's a tomorrow me problem." We both chuckled at that.