Out of the dark and into your light

Chapter 6: where are you going

It's currently 4am and I'm lying in bed unable to sleep. This is really starting to get on my nerves now.I think I'm genuinely broken. I've lived with Leah for 4 days now and I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep since I've been here. I try and fall asleep but I keep waking up instantly again because of the fear of having a nightmare and Leah hearing me.

It's affecting my performance on the pitch as well which hasn't gone unnoticed by Leah she suspects something. I have locked my self in my room for the past 4 days only going out when I really need to. Leah has tried to get me out of my room and do something but I shut her down every time she asks.

I get up out of bed throwing on the first pair of clothes i can find giving up on any hope of me falling asleep and to make things 10 times worse we have a game later against Chelsea I don't know how I'm going to last a full 90 minutes not even to mention the fact that it's my debut. I can't give people even more of a reason to hate me I need to perform well score a few goals but I know I can't do that with the amount of sleep I'm getting at the moment. When I play well nobody ever mentions my performance but let's just say if I play bad I will definitely know about it on social media later.

I need a distraction i feel like I'm about to explode. There is only one place where I find any sort of comfort even tho it's 4 in the morning I need to see him.

I grab my car keys off my bedside table and slowly open my bedroom door. I can't wake Leah up I've come to notice she's really grumpy if she doesn't get enough sleep which doesn't mix well with my anger and her constant nagging.

I reach the front door slowly opening it but just as I'm about to walk out I hear a voice from the top of the stairs making me freeze i wip my head round towards her. Fuck sake.

"Where are you going Riley it's 4 in the morning we have a game in the morning are you crazy" Leah shouts

I swallow the lump that's staring to form in my throat trying to come up with a quick convincing lie but nothing comes. I could make up a lie on the spot with anyone but not Leah I can never lie to Leah without her knowing.

"Why do you care" I shout back that's the best I can come up with. I just hope she will turn round and go back to bed.

"Why do I care because it's 4 in the fucking morning and your sneaking out the house when we have a really important game later" she shouts her tone sharp. "Now I'll ask you again where are you going" god I feel like I'm back in school and getting shouted at by my head teacher for skipping lesson or causing whatever shit I used to do.

With all of that shouting I didn't realise she was stood there in nothing but a pair of shorts and a sport bra fuck me she looks hot. In a friendly way nothing more tho.

"It's none of your business Leah I can go out if I want to" I say starting to get annoyed with how she's talking to me. Why is she making such a big deal out of this I'm a grown ass women I can go out if I want to.

She walks down the stairs her expression unreadable stopping just in front of me. "Why can't you just tell me where you're going" she asks yet again.

I've had enough of this conversation so I head for the door quicky walking out and to my car ignoring Leah's shouts for me to come back. I drive off before she can say anything else. Stopping off at the shops to get some flowers and a bottle of vodka for the journey I'll be sober before the game starts so I'll be alright.

"Hey Josh I've missed you" I say taking a seat next to his grave placing the flowers down and taking a swig of my drink.

"I'm meant to be making my debut for arsenal today" I tell him smiling at the thought. " I know you would be proud I'm sorry you can't achieve it with me" I say tears staring to fall uncontrollably down my face.