Untouchable

Cupid has perfect aim.

"So much of her time spent like this: dreaming up things to say and never quite saying them." — Colum McCann

I remember not being able to sleep the night before Valentine's day. I was thinking too much, and I just wanted it to end. What if he was disgusted with the fact a guy brought him candy on valentines? That really couldn't be the case, during a rehearsal he said he told his parents about me and that they accepted me. That was just his parent's opinion though, it could be different with him. No, he wouldn't befriend me if he wasn't alright with that. I came to the decision that I'd give it to him, only if he said hello to me. If he approached me first, I'd give him the candy. If he didn't, then I would follow out with acting like a heartbroken teenage girl. 

I woke up the next morning with hope. I know hope doesn't sound very good, but I use the word 'hope' because I hoped he would tell me at least something. I really hoped he would say something along the lines of "I think I like you" or "I feel confused about the way I feel about you". I knew he wasn't that type of person, he wouldn't be able to tell me things like that. But even then I hoped he might change because of me. Oliver is amazing. There's a reason why I loved him. 

There he was, standing there in all his beauty. It was a beautiful day today, there were minimal clouds and the sky was very blue. The sun was shining on him, reflecting its rays on his hair. I can't really explain it, but I actually really loved the way it looked when the sun shone on him. Even when I was mad at him, I still took the time  to admire him. I didn't just like his looks, I loved his voice and his idiotic personality. I loved when he would get in trouble with the lunch lady, I loved when he would laugh, I loved his smile, maybe also his lips. Yes, I loved his blond hair the most. It complimented his eyes and lashes so well. All together, it made me want to scream. I felt bad though, I always made my friends call him over, as if I didn't care that he was there. I assumed he could see how happy he made me,  which is why he kept coming. This time, he came to me. "Hi Charlie!!" he said to me. Oh my god? 

"Hi Oli," I smiled at him. He stared at me for a second before engulfing me in a hug. Jesus, this kid. I couldn't believe it at the time. The reason why I was so shocked was because he hadn't hugged me in a couple of days. It used to be consecutive, every day, but he stopped when he caught a cold and I became sad because of it. But him pulling this stunt, especially on Valentine's day, made me think he thought about it. Maybe he planned to stop hugging me for a little so that he could show how much I meant to him. It's definitely not something he would do, but maybe he knew I was smart enough to analyze it. Either way he was hugging me, and on Valentine's day, which was all that mattered. Am I allowed to say that I like how he feels in my arms? Whenever him and I were intertwined like this, our heart beats synced. We became one, beautiful and tragic. Yes, my heart was racing, but for a split second, just for a little, his was too. 

Oliver pulled away, and my friends came over. I looked at him and he looked back. Did he know I could see the world in his eyes? Sorry for being sappy, by the way. Now was the perfect time for me to give the candy to him. "..Oli, this is for you." I pulled the ginormous bag out of my pocket and handed it to him. Nia and Brooklynn snickered behind me whilst it seemed like Oli's eyes began to gleam. His glossy eyes dilated and a smile broke out on his face. 

He looked back up at me and said, "Aww thank you, Charlie!!" he hugged me again and I could feel the happiness radiating off of him. I knew he knew it was Valentine's day, and yes of course, you appreciate your friends on that day too, but I hoped that single gesture got to his dense head and bloomed something different than what his previous intentions were with me. 

Even so, I smiled at him and muttered an "Of course," before his friend came up to us. 

"Charlie, will you slide me a piece?" he pointed to the other candy in my hand that I planned to give my friend, Jessie. I declined and told him it was for her and he whined and asked Oli for some of his instead. 

"Charlie, do you think I should give Daniel some?" he wanted me to make a decision for him? 

I got closer to him and whispered in his ear, "..No!" I said with a laugh. 

He smiled at my remark and told Daniel, "No, I don't wanna give any to you! Charlie gave this to me, not you." Oli started walking away with Daniel, but he turned back, looked at me, smiled, and waved goodbye. Whenever he smiled, like genuinely smiled, it was always so sweet. I swear I've never seen anyone smile as gently as he did.

I think I finally found the right person to like. Sweet, but not too sweet. Fierce, but gentle. I mean it when I say he's one of the nicest, kindest, comfiest, sassiest people I've met. I want him to sleep on my shoulder on a bus. I want him to be comfortable around me and be able to tell me anything. I want him to lean on me, depend on me, rely on me. I need him to hold on to me. I need him to keep me. Oliver is my greatest love, even if it wasn't requited. 

I continued on with my day per usual. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. My class rarely even celebrated Valentine's day, I never saw anyone give out anything other than my group of friends. I couldn't get tired of walking through the hallways with my friends, Brooklynn occasionally making a joke while I laughed. June insulted a random classmate of ours while Brooklynn and I stood in shock of how she came up with something so out of the blue. It was comfortable, and even now I miss it. Nia, Kayla, and Jessie were in Class B, therefore we didn't get to see them during class. It was only in hallways, recess, and lunch that we could reunite with them. My 8th grade year was something I could look fondly back on. I miss my friends dearly. Could I call Oli my friend? It was always in the back of my mind. Of course, he saw me as a friend, but did I want to just see him as a friend?

I thought about Oliver. I thought about how long it's been since I met him. September 14, the old auditorium, during drama club auditions. Has it already been 5 months? I've liked him for 5 months. I wasn't ready to tell him anything. I was barely ready to hint that I had feelings for him. He was already in my life, already made an impact on me, I didn't know if I was able to bear the possible pain of losing him. He meant a lot to me, even if I only knew him for 5 months. I'm glad he can say the same about me. I didn't know much about him, but this was my only chance to get closer to him. 

Valentine's day ended without an utter of anything related to how I felt out of my mouth. I didn't say anything, and neither did he. I will say, I was a little bit disappointed, but also relieved that nothing changed between us. I loved him, he didn't have to love me. As long as he let me love him, that would be enough. That should be enough, right? 

(Oliver carried around that Mike and Ikes bag all day, showing people he received candy from a "special person". He brought it with him the next day too, and told Charlie it was too much for him to finish.)

word count: 1440