𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚 | 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐤

Chapter 18: Fleeting anxiety

Everything was a blur. 

One second, she was enveloped by the dark void's cold embrace, the next, she could hear the voices in her surroundings, one second, the only thing she could feel was numbness, the next, the throbbing sensation in her arms and eyes, became intense. 

Her eyes fluttered open, before squinting close due to the brightness in the room, her mind slowly grasped the thread of consciousness, her surroundings becoming clear. 

She sat up almost immediately, wincing in pain, after seeing the unknown room. Her eyes dart around the room, in panic before relaxing slightly, after seeing the Avengers logo. 

She leaned back on the bed, her arm protesting the moment, her good hand came to her eyes, exhaling at the burning sensation. 

The incoming footsteps grabbed her attention, and her eyes briefly glanced at the door that opened, revealing the familiar figure of the billionaire with a cup of coffee and a blue bowl in his hand, "It was about time you woke up," he said, looking at her. However, she didn't miss the worry in his eyes. 

"How long was I out?" she asked, her voice a little raspy. 

He put the cup and bowl on another side table, pouring her a glass of water which she took with a grateful nod, "One week," his words, send her into a coughing fit, keeping a hand on her mouth, as she struggled to gulp the rest of water. 

"One week?!" 

Amusement dance in his eyes, as he shook his head, taking the now empty glass of water from her, setting it onto table, "I was just kidding, two days, you were out for two days," 

"Oh..." she trailed off, that's still a lot, but then again, she had used that given power after a lot of time. 

"Now," he took a seat beside her, on a black chair, his body slightly leaned forward as his hands adjusted her position to a more comfortable one, "care to explain what the fuck happened back there?" 

"Umm, see that person, he was brainwashed alright? He was actually one of Steve's fri-" 

"Hold on," he interrupted, shaking his hand in dismissal, "I am not asking about Barnes, I am asking about you, what happened with you, Dr. Cho checked up on you, there was temporary damage in your optic nerve and organs that was certainly not due to external influence," 

"Well..." she was unsure of how to phrase her words, or tell him without telling him her past too, but she could see the worry in his eyes, despite the annoyance in his tone, and she didn't want him to, "umm, see I just used some power that wasn't mine to begin with,"

"You have been using your powers for the past three bases too, but nothing like this happened, right?"

"See, controlling elements that is a power my body have or used to, it exhausts me but don't do any damage, but this power-- emotion manipulation, is-- is not mine, I didn't have it since starting, and my body is still not used to it, so it took a toll whenever I used it," her voice was quiet, almost a whisper, looking down at her hand which was connected with a IV tube, wishing he would leave the topic already. 

For some moments silence enveloped them, an uneasy one, before Tony spoke up, his words and expression neutral, "You... you were with HYDRA in past, weren't you?" 

Her breath hitched, body unvoluntary stiffening, as her panicked gaze met his, the certainty in his words cause a shiver to run down her spine, "How-" her words died in her throat, her hands trembling just a tad bit. The sound of the ECG amplifier connected beside her increases significantly, the familiar feeling of anxiety gripping her heart. 

No, no, no, please, no. 

The familiar words of taunts, disdain and disbelief would start again, she would no longer be the Nora they saw her as but what they would see, would be an ex-HYDRA, the questions, the doubt, the cautiousness.

No, please, not again. 

"Hey, Nora, relax," Tony's worried word pulled her out of the dark abyss she was so close to losing in, "I am not-- accusing you, or anything, it was a question," he said, his palm holds her by shoulders, rubbing soothing circles on her shoulders. 

She let out a shaky breath, her emerald eyes refusing to look at his, "No, it was not... what-what happened that you came to this conclusion?" 

"The leader of the previous base, we detained him for info, he is now with SHEILD, but in quinjet after seeing your form, and before he was sedated, he was spluttering about finding the lost HYDRA trophy, and calling you a... traitor," 

"He might be just lying-"

"Then, you would need quite a believable story to tell for those scars," 

The grip on his shoulder did little to ease the tension that was caused by his words, amongst the pain, and unconsciousness, and then his rapid-fire questions round, she failed to notice that she was clad in a blue tee, half sleeved, the scars that etched her arms were very well visible. 

Her gaze was unfocused, her body tremoring the slightest bit, that if Tony was not touching her, he might even not have noticed. "Nora," he spoke gently, "you can tell, your past whatever it is, I won't judge," 

She wanted to believe him, she really did, to tell him all her sins and secrets, but the gnawing feeling in her heart won't let her, fueled by insecurities and guilts that had been building up for years. What if, just what if, he didn't, what if he saw her just like what they made her, a killer, a monster. It was not like, she had not heard those words before, for her, but she didn't know if she had the courage to heard that from them, people who she had started to consider as a family and him, who she had started to care about beyond friendship. 

"I can't," she said, her voice shaking, "I just--can't," 

He sighed, "Then, I guess the only way to know, is when that agent will wake up," 

She looked toward him, wide eyed, no, no, no, no, no that will be worse, hearing all that from someone else and--and they won't even know her side of story, that she couldn't--didn't-- "I will tell you," she whispered, her voice rushed as her hand clutched his wrist, seeing him leaving.

Nora's eyes remained locked on her lap, unable to meet his. She didn't know what to pray for anymore. Forgiveness? Understanding? Or simply the strength to face whatever came next.