I HATE U, I LOVE U | Nancy Wheeler

The Flea and the Acrobat

TW: Panic attack

DAKOTA BYERS WAS determined. After his chat with his mom, he decided he'd stop at nothing to find Will.

He drove up to Robin's house, picking her up for another gruelling day at school. Robin seemed... off? Like she wanted to tell him something but could't find the words. He pulled into a nearby parking lot.

"Kota, this isn't the way to school." Robin told him slowly as if explaining maths to a five year old.

"Yeah? I know, you just seem... I don't know. Odd?" Robin sighed.

"Yeah um, it's just I need to tell you something that might cause you to hate me for the rest of your life" Kota stared at her and smiled.

"Impossible"

"Yeah, well, we'll see about that" Kota was confused. Did she kill someone or something? That's the only thing that could make him possibly hate her. "W-well I have a crush on someone" Okay? And? Kota got crushes all the time, what's the big deal? "Um remember second grade, we dated for like two weeks?"

"'Dated'? Rob, I specifically remember a playground wedding, you made rings with daisies and everything." Kota chuckled.

"Well the thing is, I would've preferred someone else"

"Ouch, am I that bad?" He dramatically put a hand on his heart.

"N-No! Not what I'm saying! Um- d- u-." She takes a deep breath "I honestly- I would've preferred Tammy Thompson" She keeps her gaze on him as she can practically hear his brain ticking. After a few minutes, he bursts out into laughter.

"Holy shit! Tammy Thompson? Out of all the girls you could've picked you chose her? Have you heard her sing?" He laughed

"Okay, I was expecting you to hate me for being gay, not hate on my taste on women"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He wiped tears of laughter "It's just- really? Tammy fucking Thompson?"

"Shut up" She muttered

"Sorry" They sat in silence for a moment before Kota spoke up "You know, it was kinda really fucking obvious, just never said anything. I mean, come one, Rob, I've seem you staring at girls in our grade before. Plus, we have watched Fast Times together" He explained.

"I was that obvious? And can you blame me for the fast times thing?"

"I am definitely not one to talk" He chuckled, "Hey, um, Will's funeral is coming up. It would mean a lot to me if you came"

"Of course, Kota"

KOTA FELT A WAVE of sadness wash over him. He trusted that his mom was right but he didn't have any real proof. He only knew of the lights from his mom,he hadn't seen anything. It was obvious he didn't care who saw him because the second Kota walked up to the casket, he fell to is knees, punching the ground.

He was angry. At himself. At his father (who Kota knew was just there for money). At every fucking thing. He needed something to punch and, well, Tommy wasn't there so all he could think to punch was the ground. He cried, tears flowing freely from his eyes. He didn't care.

At that point, Kota just didn't give a fuck.

He knew he would probably have to go to therapy again. He also knew it wouldn't help. Never did. His therapist was nice, he liked him. But nothing he said seemed to help.

"Why! Why Will why not me?!" The boy cried. His best friend beside him trying to calm him down. But he wouldn't. Nothing anyone could say or do could control him. That's when he approached Kota.