The Way I Loved You ✓

21. Dirty Little Secret

“Dirty Little Secret” by the All-American Rejects is a pop-punk song that explores themes of hidden relationships and the guilt and thrill associated with them. The lyrics depict someone keeping a romantic or possibly illicit affair secret from others, acknowledging the shame and complexity of the situation. [Source: chatGPT]

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Fun fact: Emily was keeping a secret. Nathan was also keeping a secret.

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Chapter Twenty One: Dirty Little Secret

I stared at him, dumbfounded. In a split second, my brain conjured up images of Nathan and me on prom night, him in his tux and me in a dark green dress; twirling around, joking, laughing, dancing, and having fun.

I blinked the images away and laughed. Because I knew he was kidding.

“You're joking.” I said with a smile, but those images were proving fatal to my heart. It constricted painfully in my chest.

Nathan shook his head, “No, I'm not.”

There wasn't any hint of humor on his face. “You need a date to prom. I'll be your prom date.”

I pushed him, with my index finger to his chest, “Stop. It's not something you should talk about like this.”

I was starting to get heartburn for reasons I could not understand. He was taking this joke too far.

“I'm serious,” I looked up to meet his eyes as Nathan continued, “I'm not joking. Why is it so hard to believe? I'm telling you, I'll take you to prom, aren't I? Not only that, I'll be the best date you ever had.”

As soon as he said that, the night we watched a movie in drive-in and had dumplings for dinner flashed through my mind.

“But why?” I asked, weakly.

“Because you need a date?” He asked in confusion.

“I mean, yes, I do,” I said, “But why would you do this for me?”

“Hmm,” He contemplated for a moment, then said decidedly, “So I get to go to prom and make fun of you?”

That seemed like something he would do. So I imagined it all, everything; from him picking me up from my house, to us being in the dance floor together slowly swaying to a nice song. I dreamed of dancing together with him, Nathan making fun of me whenever I got delusional or emotional over how amazing the night would be.

I focused back on the present. I was standing in front of him at the Barnes & Noble entrance. He was holding the bags of books we had just bought, looking great like he always did, even after a day of school, asking me to be his prom date.

This universe was cruel. He seemed too perfect to be true. I didn't believe in any of this. Maybe I was dreaming.

“As if,” I said as I stepped away from him, “with this shit promposal?”

“What shit promposal?” Nathan asked, genuinely curious.

“I am not saying yes to this zero-effort, spur-of-the-moment, out-of-the- blue promposal.” I said, scoffing, teasing him.

I was scared, too. If he could ask me this easily, he could as easily take it back too. Perhaps I was messed up to think that way.

“Oh,” his eyebrows raised, “that's it, huh? Fine.”

“What's fine?” I asked as we started walking again.

“Everything,” he muttered, smirking.

Something about that felt sinister, yet my heart thudded excitedly.