TW: THIS CHAPTER HAS SUICIDE, SELF HATE, AND DRUGS/SMOKING. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, I ADVISE YOU TO NOT READ. I WILL LEAVE A RECAP IN CHAPTER 3. I hear a knock on my door, it's Connor. Yes, Connor Murphy, at my doorstep.
I go downstairs to open the door, my mind spinning. "Hey, Connor. You can go sit on the couch...if you want, of course!!" I say nervously, trying to act more chill in front of Connor.
Connor pov:
I sit on the couch, my thoughts sounding like this: 'should I really tell Evan? He's just some kid at my school I met like a few days ago' 'I don't even like him' 'he's friends with Jared! Jared fucking Kleinman! He eats BATH BOMBS!'
"So...Connor, you said you would explain..." Boom. Evan looks more nervous then me! I'll just put more pressure on him. I don't want to do that.
"Listen, Evan. I don't think I should tell you this. It might just put more pressure on you." I say, clutching onto a close cushion like my life depends on it.
"Connor, I want to help- I mean, you need help!" He corrects himself, but in all honestly, I liked the mistake better.
"Well, let's make this quick." I say, putting my hair into a ponytail.
***
"I- wow. I am so sorry, but why- why did you- why are you taking drugs?! They could kill you for gods sake!" Evan yells and squints his eyes. I swear I could see tears in his eyes. I've never seen him so angry. Does he even get angry?
EVAN POV:
I- I don't know what to feel right now. Usually when I deal with stuff like this, it's my own problems. But no, it's Connor's problems. I have Connor's trust, and I can't break it now.
***
Connor left 2 hours ago, we've been texting for a while. I'm kinda like his therapist, and he's mine. I usually send him photos of trees, and talk about my forest expertise. I mean, I spent like my whole summer as a park ranger, I don't have much else to talk about.
***
I sit at my desk, staring down at my test. My hands are clammy, my pencil is shaking along with my hands. It's a math test, I've never been good at math. I was about to give up until I heard my name on the speaker. Shit.
Can we have Evan Hansen down to the office, please?
I can feel all eyes on me as I slowly rise from my desk. I seriously just want the floor to grab me and pull me into the the abyss. I walk to the door, every single part of my body shaking. I wipe my hands on my jeans, and grab the doorknob, opening the door.
I walk down the halls, glancing at a group of rich kids smoking cigars. They notice me and I walk faster.
I finally reach the office. Opening the door was the same feeling as me watching it for the first time. I walk inside, "Hello, Evan. How are you doing?" Mr. Murphy sits on one of the chairs, Mrs. Murphy next to him. I feel the whole world falling on my shoulders.
"Hi, Mr. Murphy, Mrs. Murphy." I smile at them, masking my concern. "What's wrong?" I ask, my voice cracking.
They stare at me, their eyes sad. "Connor...he's in the hospital for drug overdose. We were wondering if you wanted to see him?" Mrs. Murphy looks at me, she's definitely on the verge of tears.
"O-of course. I want to see him." I can't do it anymore. I can't keep up that facade, Connor was probably one of my closest friends. Besides Jared, of course. A tear rolls down my cheek, I haven't cried since I fell out that tree.
***
I sit in the waiting room, my heart racing. I can't stand this. I want to see him, I don't want him to die...why couldn't I help him? This is all my fault! All my fucking fault! I can't believe it, what if I really was the cause? What if he hates me forever now?
I was about to leave until I heard footsteps walking up to me. "Evan, you can go see Connor now" I can see Mrs. Murphy smile at me. I smile back at her, getting up from my seat. I walk to the medical room, twisting the doorknob to open the door.
I walk inside, seeing Connor's eyes filled with pain makes my heart hurt. I walk over to Connor, "what- what happened?" I say, trying to hide the sadness.
"It's nothing, Evan. I'm sure my mom told you everything." Connor says. He sounds tired. I should let him rest.
I walk to the door, "Connor, I'm gonna go. You need sleep, okay?" I walk out the room. "Mrs. Murphy, it looks like Connor needs rest. I'll be heading out, bye." I smile at her one last time before heading downstairs.
I head into my car, playing the ride the cyclone sound track.
Thanks so much for reading! I'll try to update every Tuesday!! See you next chapter! <3
YOU ARE READING
Monster (a dear Evan Hansen fanfiction)
Romance"Dont get involved with Connor Murphy" they say, "he's a monster" they say, "he'll ruin your life!" Well, I don't believe that. I want to help him.
