Self love

13

Chapter 13
Amina's heart grew heavier with each passing day. She moved through her routine with mechanical precision, doing everything Zayd wanted, but the warmth and cheerfulness that once defined her had faded. She spent more time alone in their room, avoiding long conversations and retreating into her own thoughts. Zayd noticed her growing distance but didn't press her about it, assuming she needed space.

At work, Fatima quickly picked up on Amina's change in demeanor. During a lunch break, she approached her friend with concern.

"Amina, you've been so quiet lately. Is everything okay?" Fatima asked, her eyes filled with worry.

Amina hesitated, torn between wanting to confide in Fatima and feeling the need to protect the privacy of her marriage. "I'm just feeling a bit under the weather," she finally said, forcing a smile.

Fatima's eyes twinkled with mischief. "Maybe you're pregnant! Wouldn't that be wonderful news?"

Amina's heart sank. It had been a while since she and Zayd had been intimate, a stark reminder of the growing distance between them. The thought of pregnancy seemed almost laughable now, but it also struck a chord of deep worry within her. What if Zayd was cheating on her? He was a handsome man, tall and charismatic—any woman would be drawn to him. Maybe Laila had come back into his life, and he now saw Amina as insufficient.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of anxious thoughts. One part of her mind urged her to check Zayd's phone, knowing she had his password, but another part resisted, warning her of the consequences. She felt trapped, unsure of what to believe or how to confront her fears.

That evening, Amina returned home, her mind still in turmoil. She prepared dinner with little enthusiasm, the act of cooking providing a temporary distraction from her thoughts. As she set the table, her phone buzzed with a message from Zayd:

Zayd: Go ahead and sleep, Amina. I won't be back early tonight.

The message hit her like a physical blow. She stood in the kitchen, her eyes welling up with tears. The late nights, the distant behavior, and now this—everything seemed to point towards Zayd's infidelity. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was spending his time with Laila, that he had found something in her that he no longer saw in Amina.

She went through the motions of cleaning up and getting ready for bed, her heart aching with a mix of anger, sadness, and betrayal. As she lay in bed, the silence of the house seemed to amplify her thoughts. She tossed and turned, unable to find peace.

Amina stared at the ceiling, tears silently streaming down her face. The questions and doubts gnaw at her, leaving her feeling more alone than ever. The unresolved tension in her marriage looms large.

The sound of the front door opening jarred Amina from her restless thoughts. She quickly wiped her tears and closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. She heard Zayd moving around the house, his footsteps echoing through the quiet night. Her heart ached as she imagined where he might have been and with whom.

Zayd entered the bedroom, his movements careful and deliberate. Amina lay still, listening as he undressed and made his way to the bathroom. The sound of running water filled the room, but it did little to wash away her growing doubts. She felt a sharp pang of hurt, convinced that he was cheating on her.

As Zayd showered, Amina's thoughts spiraled. Memories of her past flooded back, vivid and painful. She recalled the harsh treatment from her stepmother, the beatings and the cruel words that made her feel unloved and unwanted. She had hoped that marrying Zayd would bring her happiness, a sense of belonging, but now she felt more alone than ever.

When Zayd finally came to bed, Amina remained motionless, her heart heavy with sorrow. She heard him settle into bed, and soon his breathing deepened into the rhythm of sleep. She stared at the ceiling, feeling the weight of her loneliness pressing down on her.

Every evening, as Zayd came home late and distant, Amina's fears grew. One night, after receiving another late-night text from Zayd telling her to sleep without him, she felt a wave of despair. She tried to find solace in her faith, waking up for Tahajjud, the night prayer, and pouring her heart out to Allah. She prayed for guidance, strength, and the resolution of her troubles.

That night, after her prayer, she pulled out her journal. Writing had always been her refuge, a way to process her emotions and find clarity. As she glanced at Zayd, sleeping peacefully beside her, she felt a pang of sadness. She began to write a poem, each word a reflection of her pain and longing:

"In the quiet of the night, I whisper my fears,
To the stars and the moon, to the One who hears.
My heart is heavy, my soul is torn,
In the silence, my tears are borne."

Amina stared at Zayd, wondering why he hadn't told her about Laila's message. The Zayd she knew was always honest and open with her. What had changed? She remembered how she used to wake him for the night prayer, and how he would join her without complaint. Tonight, when she gently nudged him awake, he had yelled at her, a reaction that stunned and hurt her deeply.

As she sat there, she couldn't help but question everything. Why had Zayd hidden Laila's message? Was their marriage a mistake? Had she been too quick to trust him? She regretted not asking more questions about his past with Laila, not understanding what had led to their broken engagement. She wished she had taken more time to know him before agreeing to marry him.

Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and regrets. She felt foolish for trusting him so easily, for believing that he was the right person for her. Now, she was lost, unsure of what to do next.

Amina sitting alone in the darkness, her journal open on her lap. The weight of her doubts and fears is almost unbearable, and she can't shake the feeling that her life has taken a painful turn. The future feels uncertain, and she is left questioning the very foundation of her marriage.