Self love

17

Chapter 17
As Amina was cleaning her room, she saw the journal Zady once gifted her. Memories of their happier times together flooded back, making her heart ache. She flipped through the pages, reading the poems she had written, many of which were inspired by him. For a fleeting moment, she felt the urge to call him, but she quickly pushed the thought aside.

"No," she whispered to herself. "I love myself more now. I have to put myself first."

Self-love was something that had taken her a long time to embrace, and she wasn't going to compromise it for anyone, not even for the man she once thought she'd spend her life with.

Her poetry had been going well. Each verse she penned down was a step towards healing, a reclaiming of her voice and identity. Writing had become her solace, a way to channel her pain and find strength within herself. She even started sharing her poems online, receiving positive feedback from readers who resonated with her words.

Sometimes, she wondered what it would have been like to have a child with Zady. Deep down, she still loved him, despite everything. But she was also grateful she hadn't gotten pregnant; it would have made things even more complicated and painful.

One evening, Fatima and Amina were taking a walk, as it was good for Fatima's pregnancy. They talked about everything and nothing, enjoying the cool evening breeze.

"Do you ever regret leaving?" Fatima asked gently.

Amina sighed. "Sometimes. But I know it was the right decision. I needed to find myself again."

Suddenly, Zady walked up to them. Amina's heart skipped a beat. Fatima immediately stepped in front of her, shielding her from Zady.

"What do you want?" Fatima's voice was sharp.

"I need to talk to Amina," Zady pleaded, looking desperate. "Please, it's important."

Fatima's eyes narrowed. "Leave her alone. You've done enough damage."

He even kneeled down in front of Fatima, his voice breaking. "Please, just a few minutes. I need to explain."

Amina looked at Fatima and nodded. "It's okay, Fatima. I'll listen, but only if you stay with me."

Reluctantly, Fatima agreed. They found a nearby bench and sat down.

Zady took a deep breath and began. "I met Leila a long time ago, and we got engaged. But she broke it off, leaving me heartbroken. I decided not to get married again. My mother kept pushing me to find someone, and a friend suggested I find a girl I could control easily. That's when I met you, Amina. I loved you, but when Leila came back, I started losing interest. She manipulated me, and I fell for it because I still had feelings for her. She told me she'd marry me if I agreed to take her as a second wife."

Amina listened quietly, her face expressionless, though her heart was pounding. She reflected on all the therapy sessions where she had worked through her pain and resentment. Her therapist had helped her understand her worth and the importance of setting boundaries.

"I loved you, Amina, but I loved Leila more. I don't know why. You're more beautiful, smarter, and kinder than she ever was. Leila just wanted money and control. When you said you wanted a divorce, I was shocked. I thought I had you wrapped around my finger. My mother told me not to call you because she said I didn't deserve you. She was right."

Amina's voice was calm but firm. "I knew you were cheating on me, Zady. I saw the text messages. You stopped caring about me, stopped asking about my day. I was depressed, but you never noticed. I lost my job because my life was falling apart, and you didn't even bother to ask why I stopped going to work."

Zady looked at her, stunned. "I didn't know. I thought you would never leave. I was so selfish."

He took a deep breath, his next words barely a whisper. "I have HIV. Leila infected me. She knew she had it but didn't tell me. Now I'm paying for my sins, for hurting you."

Amina and Fatima stared at him in shock. Zady broke down, crying uncontrollably. Amina felt a mix of emotions—pity, anger, and a strange sense of closure. She had loved him, but now she realized that loving herself was more important.

"Zady," she said softly, "I hope you find peace. But I can't go back to that life. I deserve better."

Fatima squeezed her hand, offering silent support. They stood up, leaving Zady to his tears. Amina felt a weight lift off her shoulders. She had finally faced her past and was ready to move forward.