Inventing Wonders

Chapter 29: A Possible Life

Larisa Konstantinovna did not like church services but faithfully attended those held in the Winter Palace. During a heartfelt prayer for Emperor Alexander's health, Lara suddenly began to cry. Tears streamed from her eyes; it seemed to her that God did not exist. And a sense of hopelessness overtook her. If God existed, surely He would have heard the prayers of all these people pleading for His mercy. Lara felt utterly alone.

In religion, she saw a connection with her family, left somewhere far behind, but if there was no faith, there was no connection with her family or hope of returning. She rarely thought about the fact that she would never return home. The girl diligently avoided thoughts of her parents' sorrow, unable to imagine what had happened to their daughter. Standing among the elegantly dressed courtiers, she wept not for the emperor but for herself.

But these tears caught the attention of two people. Naturally, they were noticed by Nikolai, who had been secretly watching his beloved. He saw her cry and, unable to bear the sight of a woman's tears, wanted to be near her; he was flattered by the countess's empathetic attention. This moment of sentimentality did not escape Trubetskoy, who had arrived a little later.

He also strongly disliked services and the emperor himself. Thus, with a lazy desire to fulfill a formal ritual, he wandered his gaze over the faces of those present. Among the other ladies, he singled out the image of Larisa Konstantinovna and was taken aback: once in the summer, it seemed, when they all gathered in Rozhdestveno, Count Bulgari had told about his first meeting with Vovk. At the time, the conversation had seemed like nonsense; Sergei Petrovich could hardly imagine the pure and prayerful look of the countess directed through the church vaults towards the heavens. Then the prince had not believed that his friend was capable of believing in anything other than herself and money. In his eyes, the countess was a selfless atheist who visited churches only for her friendship with Katasha. But seeing her tears now, the prince once again pondered the sincerity of his acquaintance. Could a bad person cry like that during prayer?

Everything became chaotic with the shocking announcement of the emperor's death. This strange news was announced aloud by Nikolai Pavlovich. This news came unexpectedly, interrupting the sequence of prayers for health, replacing it with a solemn requiem. Trubetskoy found it amusing and ironic that the news of death occurred during prayers for health. Taking advantage of the crowd's confusion, he approached Larisa Konstantinovna and managed to offer his shoulder: the girl staggered as if every sound echoing through the chapel pierced her heart. The dowager empress also felt faint. However, Larisa Konstantinovna looked painfully at Trubetskoy and, as if knowing more than the prince himself, said:

"So much blood will be spilled because of one foolish death."

These words haunted him as he spread the joyful news among friends, when he returned home to Katasha, and when he woke up the next morning. Sergei Petrovich clearly remembered a strange conversation he had with Larisa Konstantinovna at the beginning of autumn. During that period, the countess was perpetually in a foul mood: she laughed hysterically and drank excessively. It was later that Trubetskoy's wife revealed that the unhappy girl could not find her place due to Mark Nikolaevich's departure, which she saw not as a demonstration of great trust, but rather a betrayal; all her gaiety was just an act, and not a very skillful one at that.

And so one evening, it seemed they were celebrating the successful debut of the countess's protégé in the theater, the instigator of the latest revelry had once again drunk too much. Trubetskoy had felt terribly sorry for the merry-go-round and, despite his pleasure, had offered to accompany her home. However, the mention of his displeasure was greatly exaggerated: by that time he had already become accustomed to the girl and, having become accustomed, even found her company quite tolerable.