To yearn is to lose control
And maybe that's why
My heart is frozen inside my freezer
I haven't clean in a while
And for months, I would stare
Stare at the dust and the bugs around me
I would hold onto the disgust I feel burning in my chest
For what am I to let others affect me?
To yearn is to be weak
And I am terrified of the person I've become
I don't like this rotting piece of flesh
Squirming about, trying to find something to save it
For what do I live?
Is it my dreams or am I escaping?
Is everything I work hard for just an excuse
To not wake up in the morning and think about
How no one will ever love me?
And here, I lay in the sheets
That I haven't washed for months
They smell just like you
And every night I am in here,
I feel my skin burning
I am afraid
I do not want control over my own life
And yet, I work so hard to control everything around me
Love is the one thing that makes me feel alive
For I do not have control over it
Yet it terrifies me greatly
I wish I could love freely
But to yearn is to lose
So I try not to yearn for you
