I see things ending before they start
And maybe that's my problem
I'm a little stupid, a little traumatized
You scare me and I cannot lie
I go get drunk and high with friends
To feel good for a while
But I always rot in bed with my anxiety
I'm losing sight of me when you're around
I wish I could trust the way I did when I was young
But now my body's on fire
And I feel shame when I'm touched
My mind has become a weapon although I'm losing it
You should break my heart
Before I get too attached
I'm scared that you'd hurt me
So I self-sabotage
I don't think anyone would like me
I'm a little too broken
And I act so narcissistic like I love myself
I know it don't make sense
I love when you touch me
You make me feel like I'm finally wanted
And that shit just scares me
'Cause after all that has happened
I'm still that girl from the Philippines
The one that everybody left out
The one who had fake friends
The one nobody wanted
I used to play by myself and cry to my grandma
Now she's not here so I learned to get better
I detach from my emotions and I spend my time working
Everyone asks why I work hard
It's 'cause I've always felt useless
Same reason I put so much effort into loving others
So maybe they'd love me back if I gave like I'm selfless
Do you understand where I'm coming from?
Do you know what you signed up for?
I'm a crazy bitch who's trying to get her shit together
So I hope you'll support me as I try to be better
I just want to be something to someone
If the odds are against us
Would you run from me or to me?
Or would you leave me hanging?
I see things ending but I don't want them to
I'm a little confused, a bit jaded
But I know what I want
And I know that it's you
