Rose, Prose, Poetry

Stairs

The courage to climb, to rise, to grow up,

I don't know if I can muster it.

It takes strength, bravery, and willpower

To fight against the weight of gravity

And to reach for the golden sunbeams

Streaming through the dust at the top

At the haven above the carpeted stairs.

Perhaps I can take a few more steps,

Hesitantly smiling as I clamber up clumsily,

Grasping at the wooden banister of my principles,

Truths that I know can be splintered with a sledgehammer

If someone swings it hard enough.

I see new portraits on the wall beside me,

And I greet them with a warm smile,

Giggling and grinning as they smile back,

Giving me a bubbling sense of giddiness,

A hope that tastes like a charming can of cheap soda.

But then I hear voices behind me,

And Mom and Dad are asking me to look back,

To give them a quick glance so that they might rest,

Knowing that I am climbing up just fine.

But I can't seem to look back,

And I feel the painful strain in my chest and legs

As I finally understood the mistakes I hated

As I witnessed others abandon the past

And with it, those who helped them.

If I remember, I'll run back.

If I forget, I can fly.

To remain or to break free is somewhat courageous.

But to split your soul and leave a trail along the timeline,

That is true bravery

Because it truly hurts.

To belong in neither past nor present is the ideal,

And yet that makes the future seem so bleak.

I don't want to forget Mom's cooing voice,

Or my dad's warm hands as he guided me up,

Helping me stand on feet as tiny as saucers.

But I want to reach for the visages I see ahead,

Running through snow-covered paths for the first time,

Chasing the laughter of new friends,

And forming a different sort of family.

To be distant from your life in every given moment,

That is probably the wisest way to live,

And yet once you separate yourself from your timeline,

Can you really call that living?

I don't know how to move forward,

And I refuse to go back,

So I linger on this step for as long as I can,

Rocking back and forth idly on my feet

Until I might feel something steady within me.

I won't look for an answer

Because I don't know what question I'm asking,

But I quietly look about for a conclusion

And something that might provide clarity

To this confusing space of life I occupy.

I sigh, waiting and waiting,

Wondering if I'm going about everything wrong.

But I know that I have no choice but to climb,

Ascending this beautiful and chaotic staircase.