Rose, Prose, Poetry

Fiction

You used to fill up so much of my heart,

Crowding every corner and cranny.

You used to fill my lungs with sweet, supple air

And transform my mind in every given second,

Spinning a spectacular multiverse within my mind.

But now there are remnants in some places,

And in my heart, it's empty.

Sure, there was nothing to begin with,

But even the illusion took up space.

Now there's nothing but nothingness.

A gaping echo of the words that used to mean more.

It's all my own fault. You don't have to tell me so.

I know that everything was fiction.

I know that you told me the truth multiple times,

And it was me who misread the smallest signs,

Rewriting it to fulfill the narrative I wanted to read.

Call me crazy. Call me hopeless. Call me delusional.

But you can't consider me a complete fool

When you were such a perfect protagonist

And our stories were so beautifully woven together,

Our conversations reading like beautiful, flawed, poetic dialogue.

The inspiration was invasive, and everything made sense.

Can you really blame me for seeing the story that could be?

I couldn't bear the conflict in my heart

As I kept hoping and then hurting and then hoping again.

So I told you about my story,

The book that I thought could hold us,

And you snapped the book shut without a second thought,

Barely giving an ending before declaring that it was nothing.

Just a friendship paired with wild illusions

Of sentiments that were there, but not in that way.

Just like that, the novel of what we could possibly be was over,

And I was only left with what we were.

You didn't abandon me, and I still remained close with you,

So we were still able to continue the biography of us.

But I still miss loving you.

I don't love you anymore. At least I don't think.

I'm not letting myself anymore because I care about you

And you care about the truth,

So I'll uphold your honesty and be rational,

Abandoning the delusions I once held so dear,

Thinking they could become possibilities.

But is it wrong for me to miss being a fool?

Loving you was something so wonderful, so warm, so grounding,

And now I'm left unanchored.

Without the passion, the security, and the chaos, there is nothing.

Just cold space, lingering silence, and an emotional numbness

As I'm left with reality and nothing else.

I'll move on. I promise.

I've already started to, even if just barely,

Learning to define my heart in words beyond yours

And find people who are not you.

But it is hard to accept the fact that nothing will ever feel the same

And it will take a while to grieve over what I once felt

And what I once imagined.

So please, give me time

And please try to forgive me if I occasionally give in,

Re-reading the novel I wrote for us to reminisce.

Just as I have loved fully, I've lost fully,

And it will take a while to walk away from the coffin

That holds all the grand delusions

And the story that made me feel the most alive.