Hidden with a smile.

Chapter 1- Guilty.

Authors note: Just a quick trigger warning. This does include topics like ED and SH.

Carly sat in her bed, her covers wrapping around her legs. her fingers clenched around her hoodie as she wept. In this moment she felt so alone; she knew she had people, reece, marjorie, charlotte, sorscha , her mum, but in this moment she realised that you can be surrounded by the most incredible people yet still feel lonely.
Tears streamed down her face as her body ached, she just wished her pain would end. A constant battle, that's what it felt like.
She curled her knees to her chest as she saw her phone light up.
"dinners ready" a text from her mum caused her heart to drop.

She couldn't tell her she "wasn't hungry", her mum had put in all the effort of making dinner, she'd be letting her down.
Her guilt overwhelmed her; she'd put her mum through so much trouble without realising. She felt so selfish, causing her tears to stream all over again.
Taking a deep breath, she wiped the rivers from her eyes and took herself off to the bathroom.  Heavy. She just felt heavy. Splashing her face with water, she exhaled deeply. Would she be like this forever? Burdened by the melancholy in her mind, battling her biggest enemy, food.
She wiped her face and hands with a towel, her eyes were red and puffy, but forced herself to go downstairs anyway.

The stairs creaked as she walked in anticipation, constantly overthinking every step.
Eventually, she reached the dining room and slumped herself onto the chair infront of the table.
"Carly darling are you okay?" Her mum looked at her with concern.
"yeah, yeah, i'm fine why?" she plastered a fake smile on her face.
"you don't look it." Said her mum, placing carly's plate infront of her.
Carly picked up her fork, "my eyes have been watering if that's what you mean, hayfever." she began to twirl her fork in the spaghetti on her plate. "i had my window open and the guy next door was cutting his grass" She lifted her fork to her face reluctantly. Even though she absolutely despised the thought of placing the fork in her mouth and swallowing her food, she did it anyway. She had to; she couldn't let reece down. Her leg started to bounce as she took a bite.
She thought she was doing okay, she thought she was better. However it became more apparent that she was not, she was slowly starting to sink back down to rock bottom.
It had been getting worse for a while now, but now she had resorted to something else.
It made her feel alive again, like she could gain control over something else again.
Her mum was oblivious, everyone was. she hid it really well.
Her jumpers and long sleeves became her saviour.
"aren't you hot? it's a fairly warm day darling?" Her mum questioned, taking a bite.
"no, i'm okay, i'm not that warm"
That was a lie. she was sweating.
she unlocked her eyes from her plate and looked up at her mum, who was now staring at her.
"no seriously, i'm fine" forcing herself to giggle, she took another bite to avoid having to speak again.
"if you say so carly." Her mum continued eating despite her slight concern, but she chose to believe her daughter.
After all, she was happy now, she was eating, and she was recovered.

Everything can be hidden with a smile.