stars & moons - jean kirstein

part 7

Lunar

Destruction. Obliteration. Carnage.

That's all I see in front of me. The huge Titan that laid havoc onto our home, to all the Eldians and Marleyans that live here. His tall stature, his eyes that pierce like nothing I have ever seen. It's haunting.

It's what we deserved, after what we did to them.

*

I don't know how, or when I fell into my vivd dream. My body startles as I jolt awake. I wipe my forehead, only to find beads of sweat on the back of my forearm.

That dream, it felt so real. Like a premonition, rather than a vision. It felt like I could physically feel the air of war around me. I look out my window, the usual scenery is the same, people flocking around, children playing. This relieves some of the anxiety in my chest.

Everyone is okay, you're okay.

The knock on my door startles me.

I push myself off the bed, slipping on a pair of shoes and straightening out my hair in attempt to seem a little put together. Striding towards the door, I open the handle revealing Gabi.

"Hey Gabi." I say, a smile brimming on my lips.

"Lunar! Did I wake you?" She asks, gleaming shine in her eyes. I shake my head gently.

"I've been awake for hours." Not a complete lie, "Is everything okay?" I ask her.

She twiddles her fingers together, "Well... I was wondering." She begins, "We've got the big ceremony tonight and I was wondering..... if you could do my hair?" There is a hint of plead in her voice.

I smile, resting my hand on her shoulder, "Of course I can, come on in." She squeals leaping her way into my room and perching herself on my bed. Her feet don't hit the floor fully, leaving them to dangle in the air.

I grab my hairbrush and a small bottle of spray and make my way over to her, perching myself just behind her.

Slowly, I begin to run the comb through her knotty locks, my hand resting on the top of her head as not to hurt her. One particularly bad knot leads me to give a small spray of the liquid into her hair, smoothing it out.

"So, how is your training going? Still going for the Armour?"

She punches the air heroically, "You betcha. It seems like Falco has decided he wants it too though. But don't fret, my grades are still wayyyyy better than his."

I smile sadly to myself. The harsh reality of her being so excited to embark on such a dangerous undertaking, one that guarantees her only thirteen years to live.

"Good... that's good." She can sense the ounce of doubt in my voice, causing her to turn slightly. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Do you not think I deserve it?" She asks.

No, you don't deserve that life. I want to say.

"No, sorry I mispoke. You should be proud of how hard you've worked, I'm sure you'll get it." My lips purse tightly, "I'm proud of you, Gabi."

Satisfied with my answer she turns back around letting me continue on her hair.

There's a small moment of silence before she speaks again, "Lunar, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

She sighs quickly, "I'm worried about Reiner." My heart twists at her words, reminding me of the state he was in when he came to visit me the other night.

I tried to kill myself Lunar.

I swallow deeply, "I...why is that?"

"Well, my aunt Karina said she thinks he's different. She thinks that something happened while he was gone that changed him. When I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed like he was lying about it."

I take a deep breath, knowing exactly what she's talking about, "Well, it's unfathomable to imagine what he went through while he was in Paradis. It is a lot for a kid to process, and a lot didn't go as smooth as we had planned. Not to mention, he lost every comrade he went over there with, that affects someone." I turn her shoulder slightly to bring her attention to me, "But Reiner is the strongest person I know, Gabi, and he has us around to support him." Her eyes land on her hands that rest in her lap.

"You guys really are close, huh?" She asks me softly.

I smile down at her, "We always have been, ever since we were your age."

Ten Years Earlier

"Ready...set...." I shriek and bolt off across the grass field, pushing off our starting point before I say go.

"Heyyy!" Reiner calls from just behind me, causing me to giggle through my strides.

I make it to the finish line first, Reiner only a couple of metres off my tail. When he makes it, we collapse into the grass below us. We look up to the beaming sky, heaving out breaths.

He plucks a stray flower out of the dirt, holding it up in front of us. He hands into to me.

"For you." He smiles.

Present

I finish brushing her hair, leaning over to my bedside drawer and grabbing a white lace ribbon. She observes my actions, "One last finishing touch."

I lace the ribbon under her hair and tie it at the top of her head, not too tight but enough for it to not come undone.

"There." I say to her, grabbing a small handheld mirror and holding it up for her to see it.

She smiles, manouvering her head so she can see it from all angles, "I look so cute, thank you Lunar." She wraps her arms around my waist nestling her head in my chest. I hug her back tightly, carefully to not disrupt her hairstyle.

"You're welcome, Gabi."

When I pull away from her I rest both hands on her shoulders, "Hey," I say, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "I won't let anything happen to him, I promise you."

*

I lean over the balcony of the training centre, watching as they begin to form a type of amphitheatre across the town square. I blow out a puff of smoke into the afternoon breeze, letting it whaft around me. There must be close to five thousand seats, almost enough to host the entire city.

Are they really going to declare war from here in the internment zone?

I see my father sit down at one of the wooden planks, squinting my eyes to see who sits with him. It looks like Willy Tybur.

My head tilts to the side as I see Theo pass a small piece of paper across to him. They chat for a few minutes, they're well out of ear shot for me to hear what the conversation entails.

"Hey Lunar, we have to go get ready." Pieck announces, pulling my gaze away from my father who is now standing in front of Willy. He shakes his hand and begins walking away.

"Yeah, I'm right behind you." I put out the butt of my cigarette into the ashtray, and follow her inside.