Singed Synapses and Deranged Dendrites

Grover (#type)

Sheriff Cleveland sat behind his large mahogany desk, stroked his mustache and opened the pages of the Buffalo Gazette. His eyes caught a headline in bold type: Morrissey Charged with Murder of Mother: Sentenced to Death by Hanging.

"Thank goodness," muttered the sheriff under his breath. "What a monster."

His secretary entered the room. "Judge Hamon is here to see you," she said sweetly.

"Send him in," replied Cleveland. 

A distinguished gentleman entered the room. "Good morning, Sheriff Cleveland," said Judge Hamon. "I don't think we have had the pleasure of meeting during your brief tenure thus far as sheriff."

"I've been known to prefer a simple drink at the saloons over the tedium of high society," said Cleveland, smirking. "And please call me Grover."

"Noted," said the judge, "I often wish I could remove myself from the busy social calendar my wife manages." Judge Hamon sat down. "So you don't use your first name Stephen?"

"I was named for the first pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Caldwell, NJ where my father was the pastor. No one has ever called me Stephen. I find it quite boring really."

"Grover certainly has more character," laughed the judge. 

"Well I try to have fun when I'm not at work. But, how can I help you today?"  replied Cleveland.

The portly judge took a deep breath. "I'd like to schedule the hanging of Morrissey,' said the judge. "The sooner the better in my opinion."

"I couldn't agree more," said Cleveland. "I'm passionate about justice being served." A pause hung in the air. Sensing he was supposed to say something, Cleveland continued. "So how can I help you? My secretary can schedule a police escort perhaps?"

"I just need to know when you are available to hang the man," said the judge.

Cleveland stared at the judge. "Who executes criminals in Erie county?" asked Cleveland.

"The sheriff does," replied judge Hamon.

"That's me," said Cleveland a bit stunned.

"Yes, it is," said Hamon. "It sounds like you weren't aware of this part of your job description. You can, in fact, hire an alternative executioner for ten dollars."

"Ten dollars," said Cleveland, his mind racing. With his strong moral values and belief in the justice system, Cleveland wholeheartedly supported Morrissey recieving the death sentence, but he'd never considered hanging the man himself. 

"You seem conflicted," said Hamon. "Surely ten dollars is nothing with your salary."

"It's not the money," said Cleveland.

"You can count on my discretion if you need a confidant," said Hamon.

"I abhor violence and killing," said Cleveland. "But I also believe in performing one's duty. I have to admit I still have regrets about hiring a substitute in the war."

"Ah," said Hamon. "You paid a hundred and fifty dollars for another man to die in your place, then?" asked Hamon.

"No," said Cleveland. "Benninsky survived and used the money to support his large Polish family."

"So everyone benefited then?" offered Hamon with a chuckle. He watched the sheriff shake his head in disagreement and then stroke his long mustache, deep in contemplation.

"I try to do right," said Cleveland, resolve in his voice, "and sometimes that's hard. It's my duty and I will perform the hanging myself."

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Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th president of the United States and lived from 1837-1908. He believed in rooting corruption out of government. He supported the Hawaiian Kingdom maintaining independence and not being annexed to the United States. In some ways he supported Native American lands being returned but not always in the best way and he was an advocate of assimilation which history has taught us is not in the best interest of native populations.

Cleveland was also reluctant to use federal power to enforce the 15th amendment to give black men the right to vote after the Civil War. He attempted to have the mother of an illegitimate child committed to an insane asylum (she was released five days later) and put the son in an orphanage. He also married the daughter of a late friend whose estate he managed and who was 28 years his junior– though that was not considered odd behavior by society at the time. 

He was the first US president to be filmed in 1895. His last words were reported to be, "I have tried so hard to do right."