Torturing Tsukasa Tenma Because I Did Not Get His Pandemonium 4*

DAY 5: July 5th

["I Could Give You a Thousand Reasons Why I Hate That Thing *Pointing to my own reflection*"]

CRYSTAL COUNT: 145 😭😭
PULLS LEFT: 0. THIS BITCH FINALLY CAME HOME
CURRENT TIER PLACING: Like t10000 i could care less rn my stress is relieved bro
TODAYS TORTURE METHOD: Spectrophobia

what even js rhis fic anymore
omg did u guys know that I already have the next 2 torture fics planned out (oops))
UPDATE: I GOT TSUKASA ON MY LAST PULL. I MEAN THANKS I GUESS. So I used my 200 vouchers to spark for Rui and now I have the entire set (AND I CANT EVEN UPGRADE THEM BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE 14 MIRACLE GEMS FROM GRINDING SIDE STORIES)
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I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

I feel so many different things when I do.

The last dream was scary. Scary, because I was aware. Scary, because I knew every single little thing that was going on. Scary, because I knew.

And I just accepted it.

Because I had to do it.

I don't know why. I don't know why I have to do this, but I have to. I have to, and it makes me feel disgusted.

My neck feels sore. My stomach aches in pain. My head pounds painfully. My eyes throb. My body feels like jelly.

And I look into the mirror that night, when I wake up, and I realize just how disconnected I feel from my own body.

I realize just how much I don't feel like myself.

I realize just how much I've been worrying, and I only worry more at the realization.

I don't know why this is happening. I don't fully understand what, either. But I feel terrified by my own actions, my own feelings, and I want to tear this stupid world apart.

And that's exactly what I mean when I say I'm terrified by myself.

I don't want to think of this. But every single thing reminds me of it. I can't look into the sink without remembering the feeling of drowning in the water, of letting myself go deeper and deeper until I die. I can't flinch at the sight of a fly buzzing around my room without remembering that web, that spider who stabbed me and tore my limbs apart one by one. I can't look at someone in the eyes without recalling how they bore into my own, staring, staring, staring with no end in sight until I snap. I can't look at my own stuffed companions without reminiscing on how my own body was like that once, until Miku opened it up and took everything out.

I hate how it makes me feel. I don't feel like myself anymore, and I hate it so much. I just want things to go back to normal.

But something tells me that they never will.

And I mean, why would it? In that sense, I kind of have to agree with the inner demon voice inside my head here.

Saki tries to give me back the shark plushie- Harold- in the morning. I shake my head- I don't want anything to do with it, I don't want anything to do with any of it all.

Still, after breakfast, I find Harold the Shark neatly placed on top of my bed.

I pick it up and throw it off to the side. I can't deal with any of this anymore.

"Why don't we have some fun today?" Saki offers, "We can hang out at PxL- oh! How about I invite Toya, too?! It'll be a Tenma Sibling Outing!"

I begrudgingly agree. I need to do anything to get my mind off of things, off of everything. If going to my own workplace and riding the fish coaster 10 times is the way to do it, then I suppose it will have to work.