sparks fly ~ caitlin clark

16. I wanted to be the one that you could understand

Not one word was uttered for the whole way back. Not a look shared, nothing. For the whole six-hour flight, Izzie looked at the seat in front of her, the window a few seats beside, or even the dirt on her shoes. Anything but Caitlin's worried stare.

She locked her door the second she entered her dorm. She was only glad they found an earlier flight that day and didn't have to stay in a silent hotel room together. She didn't feel like being around anybody. Not even Caitlin and that said a lot. She took a shower. Letting the warm water wash over her. Unfortunately, only her tears were washed down the drain and not her problems. Her many problems. 

She could barely see a future where she would have the strength to get out of that shower. That problem was solved pretty quickly when the hot water ran out and was replaced by water that was 2 degrees from turning into ice. She laid in her bed, eyes on her ceiling. In silence. Barely even thinking about anything. Maybe about her mom's words a bit, but nothing else. It was the first sunrise she witnessed since her mom forced her to many sleepless nights. Nostalgia hits her as she thinks about the abuse—her many visits to the hospital for frostbite or stress fractures. Every doctor worried but not enough to call CPS. The only good thing about her mom visibly cheating on her dad was that she had no more time to make her other children endure such atrocities. 

Her lifeless eyes shifted from the rising sun to her phone which was untouched for too long. Her friends were worried and texted her nonstop when they saw Caitlin's disastrous state. She would never tell them what happened for Izzie's privacy but that only worried them. Isabella had let it die that night, tired of the vibration it caused.

Eleven times. That was how many times Kate came knocking at her door. She talked for a while through the door, mostly about her day hoping it would get Izzie's mind off whatever had happened. She cried once. When she explained why, Izzie still felt nothing. Kate poured out her heart on how it was hard to manage everyone that night. Caitlin was inconsolable. Gabbie was pacing around, searching for solutions. Jada was talking everyone's ear off and cried as well. They were a mess. Kate had tried to call her dad but had no luck since it was the middle of the night. 

Isabella tried to get herself together the next day. She took another shower, which normally got her energized and ready for the day. This time, it caused her deep sorrow. The water that flowed brought her down with it. Every piece of her felt decomposed. 

She stayed in her room for 2 days straight. Not eating, not speaking to anybody, only taking deeply hurtful showers. No matter how hard she tried, she felt powerless to her own body and mind. The only thing she did that was a win in her head was plug in her phone. She did not dare open it yet though, fearing the messages that had now piled up.

No matter how incredibly dreadful she felt, she was determined to go to practice that was the next morning. Basketball needed to be the thing that drove her. The only thing she could say was her own. The only thing her mother had no power over.

Her phone buzzed for the first 24 hours but now it fell almost dead. It was interesting to see how quickly people moved on.

Although she didn't see how her closest friends were miserable over her. Kate had no light in her eyes, Jada had not left their dorm since, Gabbie was now completely silent, and let's not talk about Caitlin. She blames herself more than anything. She couldn't stand herself at that moment.

Isabella unlocked her phone. Lighting up to her home screen. 147 unread messages. All from the last 72 hours. 39 missed calls. None from her parents. Was replying to some worse? 

Kate hadn't stopped coming to her door. Talking for hours sometimes. Even without of word, Izzie was her best friend and needed to tell her.

And here comes the knocking again.