Athena

Chapter 7

"Hey, you know what?"I turned to Gina as we lay in bed one evening. "No, tell me..."She smiled, and I hesitated. Maybe I should just have stayed quiet, but it was too late now. She must have noticed my unease because she put a hand on me. "Tell me, she said softly.""I..."I took her hand, not knowing what to do now when my courage failed."Nothing, just that you're beautiful..."I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not this time, either. It had been on my mind for a while, but every time I plucked up the courage to tell her, I ended up dropping it. She knew me too well not to notice it, but she didn't push it and instead stroked my hand."You know what happened at work today?"She began to tell me about her day, and I knew it was a way to divert my attention. I took the bait willingly and relaxed into her voice.Later that night, as she snored softly next to me, I lay watching out the window, my thoughts too jumbled for me to sleep. Was it because our days had begun to grow to look the same that the idea had started to form in me? Or was it my old restlessness getting the better of me? Maybe I was pushing for change just for the sake of it.Our life was good, much better than I could have dreamed when I was couch-surfing every night. But there was a nagging feeling in me that wouldn't let go. That something more was out there, that this wasn't everything. I knew what Gina would have called it. A family, that's what she would have said. I didn't know what I called it, I barely knew what a family was. I hadn't been back to my parents since I left them, and Gina hadn't spoken to hers for years. But even if I couldn't name it, was that what I wanted? Someone else in our lives than just the two of us?The idea wouldn't leave me over the next few days. I was pretty sure children weren't my thing, but I couldn't explain what I wanted better than 'a friend'. But not like the friendships I'd had when I spent time moving from place to place. Those were friends too, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted... something else. Someone to share your life with, to live with. One evening, as we lay in bed, I plucked up the courage again."I've been thinking...," I said."About what?," she asked."I..."Something rose within me and I couldn't stop the words from coming out."Wouldn't it be nice with some company?""Company?""Yeah..."That was it. Courage failed me once more, and I was about to let the topic go, but she pushed on this time."What kind of company?""Oh, I don't know... Just, someone else than just the two of us."She went quiet for a moment and I felt her hand loosen in mine, a sign that her thoughts were drifting. She stared into the distance, already deep in thought. What was that all about?, I wondered. I let her be, though. Just like me, I knew better than to push her in those moments.She turned back to face me and to my surprise, her eyes shone with tears. I took her face in my hands."Are you okay?"She nodded and snivelled."Yeah, sorry, I...""Tell me...""I've been thinking the same."My surprise must have shown on my face because she giggled."Really? What do you want?," I asked.She closed her eyes. It wasn't often that she drifted away from me, but this was one of those times when I would soon lose my grip on her, and she would go quiet."Tell me, I said softly, stroking her hand.""I... A daughter..., she whispered."I took her hand in mine."Are you sure?"She shook her head. "No, " she whispered.She snuggled up against me and I knew I wouldn't reach her any longer. I might have even pushed too far already. She'd talked about wanting a daughter in passing before, mentioning it only to drop it, and together with what I knew about her family, I'd pieced together the rest. I guess she wanted what she'd never had, and maybe I was the same. I think she was as afraid of the idea as I was.She was unusually quiet the next day, and I let the idea be. Maybe it was for the best, letting things stay the way they were. No changes meant no problems, and this was a topic that could bring a lot of mess for both of us. But she hadn't forgotten and one evening, some days after, she said,"What kind of company would you like?"I regretted ever having brought it up. It had been a dumb idea. I shouldn't have said anything. "Oh, I don't know... Just someone..."She looked at me, waiting for me to continue, but I didn't know what to say. I wished she could just forget about it. I looked away, I couldn't do it. Jokingly, I said,"An android!"She gave me a look I couldn't interpret."An android?", she asked."Yeah... It could cook and clean, instead of me," I joked.I had to continue now, it was too late to go back. I couldn't take back what I'd said."Really?", she asked.I wasn't sure if she was seriously considering it or not. Her eyes glazed over."Maybe...", she whispered.Really? Why would she want an android?"But... You wanted a daughter?", I asked hesitantly.I heard her snivel."But maybe it would be like one, almost."I wasn't sure what to say, or even if I should say anything. Did I want an android? I guess it was easier than a human. She sat quietly that evening. Was that it?, I wondered. Were we getting an android?I hesitantly took the computer. I guess it couldn't hurt to at least look, and anyway, we hadn't even agreed on what kind. Androids had always been too pricey for me, so I had never looked deeper into them. I opened up the largest store and scrolled through the pages. There were hundreds of them, all coming with a pre-set personality. You could choose someone good at sports, a friend to watch movies with, or someone who would go to museums with you. Old, young and children, there were all sorts. If you wanted to be more specific, you could make your own settings, getting the exact companion you wanted. I reached the end of the page and looked at Gina."I don't think it will work, I said. " They are really expensive.She leaned over to glance at the screen."Wow, you're right... ""Yeah..."She leaned back in the chair again, and I thought I saw her eyes glisten before she turned away. "So maybe we can't, at least not now," I said.She nodded, and I reached over and put a hand on her shoulder."I'm sorry..."Although, I wasn't sure if it was that bad. Maybe it was for the best, not changing anything in our lives right now. I closed the computer.We spent the next week in our own thoughts. Whenever I reached out to her, she smiled sadly and squeezed my hand, but she didn't say anything. It might have been a mistake to have brought up the idea in the first place. We had a good life, the two of us, and nothing was lacking. Another relationship would just make things more complicated. Despite it all, though, I couldn't drop it and I kept scrolling through the pages in the evenings, adjusting one setting after another. Man, why were the brown eyes so much more expensive than the blue? I changed the hair colour to green. The price dropped slightly. Darn it, it's still too expensive. I stared at the screen for a moment. What the heck... I changed every setting to "any" and clicked search. Only the price appeared, I figured the Android would be a surprise when it arrived, but shoot! We would be able to afford it!"Hey, look!"She looked up at me."I found something!"She got up from the sofa and walked over to me. "But we can't get a random setup, what if we don't like it?""But we won't be able to afford any other."She went quiet for a moment."What if we don't like it?", she asked again."Dahh, life is an adventure. You never know, it might be the perfect one."She sat down next to me, her hand loose in mine."I guess so, she said after a while.""You want to think about it?""No. Just order it."I entered the payment details and clicked buy. Now, we simply waited.