‎‧₊˚✿[ℓιттℓє ωση∂єяѕ]✿˚₊‧ 「𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲/𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥」

Journal Entry no. Eight

Wednesday, The second of July of 2024.
Current time: Three, Fourteen, PM.
Current mood: Empty.
Extra notes: N/A.
Content warnings: Mentions of suicide, Suicidal attempts, Random daily shit, Possibly long entry.

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Dark and empty, That's how I'm feeling right now.. To put things in prospective imagine a void, An endless void of pure darkness.. That's where I am mentally. The floors are all wet and I keep getting dragged under the water, Slowly suffocating. That's how I've been feeling..

I know I haven't been online at all today, So i'll get back any comments and such after this entry.

I did commit the other night, And being honest earlier today, And even a bit after that.. Last night I simply tried hanging myself but instead of it going wrong I remembered that I shared a room and I didn't want to fucking traumatise my sister right away- so I stopped myself.

Instead I just grabbed some cardboard and ripped it enough to make a pretty sharp end I tried my best to get cutting away, Why didn't I just use a knife or something? Simple, My parents took that shit away so I had to get creative.

I use my thighs and stomach, Nobody really looks there, I cut around my ankle as well when I need to feel the most pain.

Where was I? Right, I tried drowning myself, I don't recommend doing that either.. It failed miserably. Etc etc.

Yeah, Anyway, My little depression thing isn't over yet.

Usually it blows over in a few hours but I've been stuck like this, I wanted someone to run me over a few hours ago but then I realised they would be charged for murder and have to pay something and possibly go to jail for a long time so.. I felt that would be too much of a selfish thing.

Me wanting to die so I ruin somebody else's life?

....

Yeah, Uhmm.. That's really it for now. I haven't been online so I can't say anything about other people anymore.

Oh, Me and AJ officially broke the friendship off.. He needed space and i'm giving to him, He wasn't sure why I started avoiding him for the day but he was a little glad. Then we had an argument about it later on before coming to terms with me leaving him.

So, That's the end of that friendship I guess. Forever alone in reality. I deserve it though, I'm pretty good at ruining other's lives.

I don't mean to, At all, It just happens.. I'm glad that they're all going to have a good time without me.

I guess.

....

So that's the update for me I guess— I don't feel like anything right now either so don't expect much from me.

—Nichole.