Just Give Me One Year

Chapter 12: My Peace

12pm, Sunday.

I spent Saturday taking time for myself. I woke up early, did some chores, cooked and went on a night drive. I needed to figure out what exactly I was doing in life.

Coming to terms with my feelings toward Sasha was really difficult and it's only gonna get worse with the fact that I've decided to let those feelings go just as I've developed them.

Not only are we completely different, our relationship as student and teacher makes things entirely complicated. Ever since I've met Sasha, I've been in nothing but trouble. I'm not saying it's her fault— not at all. It just goes to show how irresponsible I have been since meeting her. That's not what I wanted for myself. She made it clear from the first day of school that I shouldn't read into anything but I persisted regardless and look where it got me.

Almost suspended, bad grades and heartbroken over someone I didn't have a chance with in the first place.

So, as I said to her, I won't be disturbing her peace anymore and instead, I'll try to find mine.

Which brings me to today, I'm driving with Avery to the cemetery. As promised, this weekend I was going to visit my parents and she was going to visit her brother.

Last time I visited my parents was on Christmas day. I've learnt to celebrate holidays and birthdays with them for the past year or so. It's been hard at times but I still enjoy it regardless. I can always feel their company with me.

"Alright, let's go!" I said to Avery as I parked the car. We both left and headed towards the designated gravestones.

Avery's brother was buried on the other side of the cemetery. We both pulled each other into a tight hug before separating to see our family.

I sat down on the grass between my parents' gravestones then placed flowers over each of them.

I smiled as I lightly dusted off some dirt away "Hi mom. Hi dad" my voice already breaking down.

I looked at their pictures and the tears just streamed down my cheeks "I've missed you both s.. so much" I struggled to speak. It really sucks not having your mom to run to for advice or your dad to protect you when something is wrong.

I have— had— a really close relationship with both of my parents. When I first came out to them about 2 years ago, I was really scared but they never made me feel unappreciated. I was a very loved child and I was robbed of that love.

"It's not fair that you're gone" I cried out, my head down on the grass.

It's not fair that I don't get to come home to my family. It's not fair that I don't get to learn more dishes from my mom or how to do taxes from my dad.

It's not fair.

I lifted my head and eventually wiped my tears and snot "I messed up today... again" I shared with them.

"Remember Blake? We got into a bit of a disagreement and I punched her. I know, I know. Why would I do that? I didn't care what she was saying about me. I cared about what she had said about you both."

I spent about an hour venting to my parents about everything. I spoke what was on my mind and heart. I even asked for guidance.

"You know, I met a special person not long ago" I smiled to myself "she's complicated and not usually my type, but you should see her. She's gorgeous, smart and doesn't take shit from anyone" I laughed.

"She's also a tiny bit older than I am. I told myself not to dwell on it because she doesn't seem interested, but I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I guess I could tell you who she is since you're not here to scold me. She's my teacher" I awkwardly rambled.