Guidebook ↠ Shawn Mendes

Chapter 4: Shawn's Brain Is Confusing

Shawn

London storms out of my house, slamming the front door as she leaves. I wince at the sound. These fights are the norm for us. She has a very...strong personality and I'm really shy in comparison. Now don't get me wrong, over the past year my comfort zone has increased greatly (all because of her), but I'm not anything like her. I don't go on dates (I blame this on the fact that we're still in middle school and I think dating is stupid when in reality I just can't get a date), I can't instantly light up a room when I walk in and practically own it, and I'm afraid to live my dreams. She sings openly and happily while I keep that part of me bottled up inside.

No one, I do mean no one, other than London knows that I like to sing and play guitar.

She always tells me that I have a great voice and that I should advertise it. It's easy for her to say, no one judges her. Which is surprising considering how many boys she's "loved" and considering how cruel everyone is.

No one except me.

I cringe. I'm an asshole, I know that. If we're being fair, it's not like she tries to openly flirt with guys. They're kind of just attracted to her like moths to a bright light. I've always suspected that she had feelings for me but the thought is honestly ridiculous. Yes, she's my biggest supporter but why would she like me of all people when she could have anyone? Besides, I've never, not once, thought of her that way. I can see the appeal though. Her dark hair and bright blue eyes are a startling combination never mind her confidence.

I know she hates it whenever I bring up the guys she's with, but it's only because I care about her. It's not even the fact that she dates so many guys, it's just that she "loves" so many guys. She gets attached way too easily and even though she's not clingy or anything, she's always extremely hurt when things inevitably end. I've always wondered why she does that when she knows what's going to happen. You would think that after her dad...

But of course, I feel like a jerk because she brought up her dad.

I won't lie, it hurt when she said I was just like her dad. I mean, she despises her dad! Wish I knew why though. London refuses to talk about him. When we first started hanging out, I would occasionally bring him up. Problem is, she can't even think about him without crying. All I managed to get out of her was: 'He was my idol. He was my rock. Then he found alcohol.'

After a while, I stopped mentioning him entirely. Besides bursting into tears, she'd get really pissed at me if I brought him up anyway. It wasn't worth the trouble.

Still, I've always been curious.

I'll apologize to her in the morning or something.

That's another thing, she always forgives me.

No one else though.

It's weird, with each and every single guy, not only do they break up, but she always ends up hating them.

James, Thomas, Wesley, Frank, Adam, Steven, and now Ryan.

And those are just the one's I remember.

"Shawn?" My mom calls my name and I snap out of my trance.

"Yeah?" I groan, sitting down on the piano bench.

My mom comes downstairs and stares at me, then at the front door.

"What happened this time?" She sighs.

"My fault this time." I replay the conversation in my head. "I was pretty rude to be honest."

"Oh Shawn." My mom pinches the bridge on her nose. "What did you do?"

"The usual." I shrug. My mom is typically the one that helps me think of the best ways to apologize to London. As much as I hate her constant relationships, like I said, she's my biggest supporter and one of my closest friends. "I asked her if she was on her period." I wince.