In Essence Divided

[ Bonus chapter: Moving On ]

"Are you alright?"

Sirius Black's eyes were boring into his own. Severus was only middling at Legilimency, but even that was enough to tell Black's concern was genuine.

The kindness in these grey eyes grated on his already frayed nerves. It was no business of Black, what he thought or how he felt. And, yet, since the previous summer, Black had made those... overtures of friendship (he could not find any other way to call them) towards him.

He and Black had been enemies for over twenty years. There could be no friendship between them. To believe otherwise was painfully naive.

It was exactly the kind of nonsense Albus would have encouraged.

"What are you doing here, Black?" he snapped.

"What happened last night when you went to see Dumbledore?"

So that was it. Any of the newfound respect Black had for him would disappear, as he sneeringly took credit for Albus' murder.

Yet, Black didn't blow up at him, as he had expected. Instead, he and Harry found out precisely what happened, largely through guesswork. His student was clever, and Black was persistent; he had to give him that. Then, Black said he would tell the rest of the Order that Dumbledore's death had been part of a plan they had worked out together.

It was a lie. Albus might have agreed to it in the end, but Severus had come to kill him off his own volition. Why was Black willing to lie for him? Such an outrageous lie too, that no one would believe. Severus told him as much.

"Well, if they don't, they're welcome to leave. The headquarter of the Order of the Phoenix is in my house, after all." Sirius smiled brightly at him, and Severus' heart stuttered.

Sirius Black was loyal to a fault. He'd been as faithful to Potter's memory as Severus had been to Lily's, in his own way. He'd just never thought this loyalty would ever be directed towards him.

It didn't make any sense.

"There's just one last thing I don't understand. Why did you break Dumbledore's wand?"

"He asked me too, but wouldn't say why," said Severus. The truth this time, but it still sounded like a lie.

Yet, once more, Sirius believed him without question. When asked why, he said, "Why wouldn't I? I've known Dumbledore as long as you, Severus. Planning his death to move some kind of convoluted master plan of which he reveals only a few details is the most Dumbledore-like behaviour ever."

It was such an accurate description of Albus that Severus almost smiled. Sirius noticed and smiled back at him, as if they were sharing a joke. It was an expression that Severus had seen on his face many times, but then he'd been smiling at Potter, and Severus had been the butt of the joke.

Black had insulted him, attacked him, almost killed him. He couldn't expect Severus' forgiveness, Severus' friendship. They could work together to protect Harry, but that was it.

And, yet, as their duties for the day ended, Sirius asked him once again to have a drink with him. His persistence, in the face of Severus' rudeness, of his constant rebukes, made no sense.

Because, the truth was, Severus had also insulted and attacked Sirius. He'd bullied Harry, who Sirius loved like a son. So he should hate him, should resent him, not act all kind, and concerned, and try to get him to open up.

"If Harry's forgiven you for the way you treated him, it's not my place to hold a grudge. As for what happened in Hogwarts... Can we just agree we were all little shits when we were teenagers and move on? We're looking after Harry together now. I'd like us to get along."