Heart of the House (Owl House x Autistic reader)

A Lying Witch and a Warden.

Open on a witch with green hair and a staff backflipping onto a cliff. She glares up at a large purple snake.

Gildersnake: Foolish child! I could swallow you whole!

Azura: Do not underestimate me, Gildersnake, for I am the Good Witch Azura, warrior of peace!

She poses as wind blows her hair before kneeling down and holding her staff like a bazooka.

Azura: Now eat this, sucka!

She fires off the staff

Gildersnake: No! My only weakness: dying!

———

Cut to a doll of Azura and a green snake being held.

Luz: And that's the end.

Camila: The end of what?

Luz: My book report.

The snake hisses and bites the doll.

Luz: I think I knocked it out of the park.

Principal Hal: Your book report is why you're in here.

He gestures to the door, through which two students can be seen outside running by screaming, snakes biting their heads.

Luz: Oh. That's where the backup snakes were.

Camila: And what were you going to do with this?

She holds up several firecrackers tied together.

Luz: That was for the Act Three closer.

Camila: Mija, I love your creativity, but it's gotten out of hand. Do you remember why you were in the principal's office the last three times?

———
Cut to Luz on stage at an audition for Romeo and Juliet, holding a spork.

Luz: O happy dagger, give me death!

Luz stabs the spork into her torso before tearing her dress, making several links of sausages fall out. Everyone else on stage screams and runs.

Cut to Luz sewing a pigeon head onto a squirrel's body, on a platform labelled "baby griffin".

Luz: Now for the final anatomically correct touch, spider breath.

She opens the model's beak. Many spiders come out, crawling over her and the table. People scream in terror, throwing objects everywhere. Now to cheerleading tryouts, where a girl does a successful backflip. Every other student applauds.

Luz: You think that's an impressive trick? Take a look at this.

Turns around to reveal she flipped her eyelids inside out.

Luz: Bleep, bloop, bleep!

Everyone else screams and runs, and it sounds like at least one person is gagging.

———

Cut back to Principal Hal's office.

Camila: We all love that you express yourself, but if you can't learn to separate fantasy from reality, you may need to spend the summer here.

She holds out a pamphlet for Reality Check Summer Camp. Luz takes it reluctantly.

Luz: Don't worry, Mom. I won't let you down.

She stands up triumphantly.

Luz: No more weirdness!

The snake in Luz's hand suddenly jumps out and bites the principal. He falls to the ground with a yell while the snake hisses.