Run Away Engie, Run And Hide (a tf2 angst. Schizophrenic Engie)

Entry #6 sick

Fanart by YEEHAWTRANS my bff 😍 baby dell is so cute im sobbing rn. I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do to him. 😭

Tw: sick engie aww, self hatred, severe delusion, hallucinations, self mutilation, self harm, blood, self amputation, extreme gore, body horror

Written by Toby

------- Engineer pov ----------

I awoke on the couch, it was scratchy, but comfortable. My arm was numb from sleeping ill-positioned. I took a deep breath in, feeling strangled with resistance, noticing how congested i was. The air was thick and hot, smothering me. I kicked my cover onto the floor trying to cool down. I layed there for another second before gagging on thick, mucus. I jumped up and stumbled outside of the camper before coughing up phlegm onto the grass. I leaned groggily on the vehicle feeling lightheaded. I gagged once again this time vomiting. Not having eaten, it was a watery yellow acid. It burned coming up my already agitated throat. I sighed, going back into snipers camper to hopefully find some water. I stumbled in slowly, looking around. My eyes locked with a bottle in snipers hand.

"I think we need to talk mate," the aussie sighed sadly, while holding out the bottle as an offering to me. It made a pathetic compensation.

"Yea I'm mighty sorry," i started apologizing, avoiding a proper explanation.

"No bull Dell, just tell me whot happened," sniper said. He glared at me, expectantly waiting for an answer. He deserved an answer.

"I..." i started panicking, thinking of a lie, anything. Anything to not give away how much im slipping, i would scare everyone, but it's nothing i can't handle. I need to do this on my own. It was normal to me, im sure other people see things too when they're stressed out. I'm normal i told myself. I just needed to act like it. "It's embarrassing, sorry" i paused, biting my filthy fucking liar lips nervously. "I was... drunk, and i had a nightmare of my father coming back. He was... really abusive. It's stupid i know" I looked away, my face was bright red. This was at least based on the truth, although I've never had nightmares about it.

"Oh" sniper mumbled. He stared down at his coffee mug in his hands, probably feeling guilty because of me. "I'm really sorry mate, don't sweat it" he stated gesturing that i was allowed to leave.

"Thanks partner" i said, getting up. I ran back to the barracks. There was no hurry, but i felt like a piece of shit for lying to sniper.

"You should feel bad" a voice yelled in the distance. It sounded exactly like sniper although i knew it wasn't. I was much too far from his camper by now. I covered my ears and ran as fast as i could down the gravel road. I would have believed it was him if it wasn't impossible. Suddenly i tripped, in my feverish state. Gravel dug into my knees and elbows. I barely felt it, adrenalin controlling my body.

"You should feel bad" the voice repeated. It was no longer snipers voice, nor the other engineers. It was a new voice that spoke. It was monotone and condescending.

"Shut up" i answered, i sat still stunned on the ground. Blood slowly coagulated on my wounds, bits of dirt and sand were mixed in to my newfound premature scabs.

"You don't understand" it spoke mockingly. "You should feel bad for sleeping" suddenly i understood. Shock surged through me. I had unintentionally fallen alseep last night. This is why i was feeling sick. I'm dying, somehow the other engineer must have poisoned me in my sleep. I sobbed, trying to think of a way to fix it. Snot, blood and tears covered me as i resumed my journey stumbling back to the barracks. I snuck into my garage through the outside door, not wanting to bother anyone. Engie stood in the corner smiling.

"What did you do to me???!" I growled at him. "Tell me so i can fix it." I grabbed at his shirt, my fear of death had left me at some point. I was going to die anyway, what more could he do? His touch felt static and then began to burn. I held on tight anyway. "Nice try fuckface" i growled. He laughed manically. "Tell me" i threatened. With one hand i held a hammer, ready to bash this demonic mans head in.

"I put it inside of you" he chuckled, gagging from my tight grip around his collar. "Youure gonna die, you're gonna diee" he chanted, his voice strained and tore thickly like and old broken instrument.

"WHERE WHERE DID YOU PUT IT" i yelled at him, slamming his head firmly against the wall and holding him there. Engineer looked at me silently, his jaw hung unnaturally open as though it were broken. He lifted his hand slowly his finger pointing to my wrist, at first i didn't understand, but when i got it my face went pale. I slammed the hammer back into his temple, before grabbing my shotgun from the table to finish him. His skull splattered into peices, his blood was dark, too dark, not normal. I disregard it, looking down at my right hand. My vision blurred, i felt not disimmaler to how i do on the battlefield. I don't have time to think, i told myself. I scratched at my hand shakily, tears spewing from my eyes. I could feel it something like a small stone i could feel the pressure in my lower arm maybe a microchip, it didn't matter i knew i needed it out immediately. I need it out. My eyes darted catching a knife on my workbench. I grabbed it and before i knew it i had it digging into my arm, searching. I partially snapped back to reality when blood began to spirt from my artery. It pulsating ebbing and flowing rhythmically with the beat of my heart.

"MMMNNGHGHMHHMHMHNHn" i screamed, biting my tongue harshly. I grabbed an old rag, my trembling left hand dropping it a few times. Instead of packing the wound i wrapped it as tight as possible around my forearm. I remembered the time we were taught how to apply tourniquets. Never, did i think i would have to use one. Grabbing a small scrap rod of metal, i slipped it under the cloth and and twisted it, further tightening the strangling rag around my circulation. The blood finally slowed, no longer spraying out angrily. It hurt like hell, but that was a good sign it meant the tourniquet was working. I whimpered, a few sobs escaping my lips as i let out the anxious breath i had been holding. My arm burned, i inhaled sharply. Looking at the fresh gaping wound i saw something moving inside, i flinched harshly. It looked like some sort of worm or bug. I looked closer, digging my fingers, clawing at the wound for a better veiw of it. I finally caught a glimpse at a silver, centipede like creature. I squirmed around hiding deeper in my forearm. I looked matalic, almost robotic, it was hard to tell with all the blood.

"Nonoohn no no no no" i whispered to myself, through sobs. I was so scared i couldn't even bother to curse. With my left hand i wiped the sweat and tears from my face. My breaths were shaky, head fuzzy from the bloodloss. The creature moved again, its sharp legs making me shiver in agony. I jumped up, looking around my workshop. I needed something anything, my eyes fell upon many tools: knives, hammers, wrenches, saws. I had to be completely sure it was gone, i couldn't live with myself if it was still in me. Hell i Wouldn't live, it was going to kill me anyway. I hastily grabbed at a bonesaw, it was old, but still dangerous sharp. Sitting back at my bench i held the saw to my arm, terrified. No amount of words could paint a picture of the primal fear that surged through me in that moment. I took a sharp breath inward, bracing myself as i pressed down, hastily, in a battle with time and i felt as though i was losing. With one full length of the saw i was already halfway through my forearm pain surged through me and i hit my bones. I felt as though i might pass out as i watched my blood flow slowly from the wound.

I blinked waking up, i must have passed out, likely not for more than a few seconds. I don't recall passing out, only waking up. I awoke pain surging through my body once more. I looked to see i was still holding the saw halfway through my own arm. I needed to finish it. I braced myself again, sniffing from all the tears and snot. Looking at the gore before me, picturing what i was about to do; I felt bile rising in my throat. I tried to suppress it unsuccessfully before leaning over to the side and pouring out my stomachs contents onto the floor. It was now or never. I mustered up every ounce of strength in my body. And finally it was through. I ripped through my forearm arm bones. If i was in pain before it was nothing compared to this new ache. The pain shot through the entire right half of my body. My forearm was completely off now. I fell forward onto my desk and it was dark.
Dark.