Run Away Engie, Run And Hide (a tf2 angst. Schizophrenic Engie)

Entry #9 redemption

An: bro i love my son 😭 im such an old man (i am 18) as im editing i keep seeing figures moving outside my window and bright lights and its scaring me also um my ears r ringing a lot and i hear bugs chewing

Tw: mean auditory hallucinations, forgetting to eat

Written by Toby

-----Medic's POV----------
I strolled down the hall massaging my temple's with a wince. I knew i couldn't keep worrying about Dell, i was making myself sick. I entrusted heavy to watch him while i took a short break. A break which consisted in forcing myself to eat for the first time in 48 hours, which was less than enjoyable. I wandered alone into the mess hall, everyone else had already eaten hours ago. Checking the fridge, there was a sandvich with a small note "medic" written on it, in overly neat handwriting. I sighed, picking up the sandwich, before starting a new pot of coffee for myself. It was uncomfortably quiet, casting a melancholy feeling over the room as i ate. I cursed myself internally for feeling sad, when dell is going through so much worse than me right now.
My meal was silent, but do not mistake silence for peace.

--------timey skipysauce--------

---------------------engie pov--------------------

I yawned, squeezing my eyes shut tighter to keep out the pestering light that danced across, and prodded at my eyelids.

"Wakey, wakey!" A southern voice chimed familiarly. I groaned, covering my ears with my pillow. There wasn't anyone who talked like that except for him.

"Go kiill yourself" i yawned, trying to go back to sleep. I squirmed around, kicking off the hot blanket. Finally, coming to terms with the fact that i wasn't going back to sleep, i peeked my eyes open. I was in one of the thin infirmary beds, with no curtain around it. I vaguely remembered medic telling me just to sleep in here until my arm is healed enough. Although it was obviously just an excuse to watch my behavior.

"Guten morgen!" Medic chimed, walking in the door. "I brvought you breakfast. Heavy cooked" the doctor stated, smiling, the tense atmosphere from yesterday had somewhat dissipated. I carefully took the plate from Ludwig with a nod. In my groggy state fumbling slightly before remembering i was missing a hand. A small choir of voices laughed at me, mocking my stupidity. I flushed bright red with frustration, feeling nauseous.

"Thanks" i mumbled, still delirious and half asleep. My plate had a generous portion of pancakes and smoked sausage, and a cup of coffee. I would be lying if i said it didn't look delicious.

"Oh, and i brought jou syrup. Heavy vould cry if he saw how jou douse everyzhing in it," medic chuckled, handing me a small bottle. There was a few minutes of silence as medic went and sat across the room at his work desk, straightening random papers. He glanced up at me, curious as to why i hadn't touched my food yet.

"Ludwig, I'm sorry partner" i said, anxiety lacing my voice. "-About yesterday" i added. "I was misdirecting my anger and i know ya just want to help me."

"You're not sorry, liar" a voice whispered from under my bed. I completely ignored it not wanting to give it the satisfaction. I scratched at my right arm, the stitches and scabs uncomfortable under my bandage.

"It'z alvight dell, it happenz" medic replied maturely, he walked up to me, gently taking my hand away from my injured arm as a silent way of telling me not to touch it. "Vould jou be villing to try getting help? I von't make you do anyzhing zhat jou don't vant to" medic whispered, concern lacing his words.

"I don't know... I guess I can try" i said with a sigh, a little bit surprised at my own words. My face dropped
"I thought it would make him leave me alone" i whimpered, referring to the other engineer. "I want it to stop, all of it" i whispered, tearing up slightly from the thought i might never live a normal life. "I just want to feel safe again" i laughed, a few tears falling from my eyes. Medic placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, with a sad smile.

"I vant zhat too" he agreed with a nod. "I miss seeing jou inventing zhings, jou alvays looked zo happy vhen jou do" medic chuckled sadly. My mind tormented me for being so naive, believing an enemy, for hurting myself. I was going to be stuck being an amputee forever. If I'm lucky i might be able to get a prosthetic, but i will never be the same. Scared, that's what i was feeling, Visceral fear.

"Dell? Dell? Dell?-" A female voice called out for searching for me. I recognized the voice, it was my late mother. i knew it was just stress triggering it, but knowing doesn't make it go away. I shut my eyes tightly, trying not to listen. She continued to call out to me, beckoning.

"Dell?"

"Dell?"

"Dell?"

"Dell, are jou alrvight?" A familiar German voice asked. My eyes shot open, my vision staticy for a few seconds before adjusting. Ludwig was leaned over me, his eyebrows furrowed together with concern. I sat up, hugging him tightly, part of me needing to know he was real. He was a little shocked, but hugged me back.

"I can't do this" i sobbed, "I'm ready to get help"

An: i wanted this chapter 2 be longer but im feeling quite illiterate rn it hurts 2 read lol i am just a silly little puppy i can't do this rn ummm bye!