I've never been one for diaries, but tonight was different. Tonight, I need to put my thoughts somewhere, to understand the whirlwind of emotions coursing through me. It all started with Rose.
Rose. Even writing her name sends a shiver down my spine. Her touch, her scent, the way she looked at me—everything about her was intoxicating. Our lovemaking was beyond anything I've ever experienced. It was so intense, so passionate, that it scared me.
It wasn't just physical. With each kiss, each caress, she seemed to reach into the deepest parts of me, pulling out desires and fears I didn't know existed. In those moments, I felt a connection that threatened to unravel the walls I've carefully built around my heart. And that's why I had to send her away.
Afterwards, as we lay tangled in each other's arms, I could feel the stirrings of something deeper. Something dangerous. If I let her stay, if I let myself bask in the warmth of her body all night, I knew I would lose control. I would want her again, and again, until dawn broke and with it, the fragile barriers I've maintained.
I couldn't let that happen. I can't afford to get attached. Not now, not ever. I've seen what happens when you let someone in too close. The vulnerability, the dependency—it's a slippery slope that only ends in heartache. And I can't let myself go down that path.
So, I made a choice. I gently nudged her awake, whispered an excuse about needing to be alone, and watched the confusion and hurt flash in her eyes. It tore at me, but I stood firm. I had to protect myself, even if it meant hurting her. Even if it meant ending something beautiful before it had the chance to bloom.
She dressed quietly, each movement a question she didn't voice. As the door closed behind her, I felt a pang of regret, but I knew it was for the best. I won't call her. I won't text her. I can't see her again. This is the only way to keep my heart intact, to keep my life uncomplicated.And yet, as I sit here writing this, I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice. Did I let fear dictate my actions? Did I push away the very thing I crave the most? Only time will tell. For now, I have to trust that protecting myself was the right thing to do.
Aurora
