Follow the Echoes // Ryan Lindgren, New York Rangers

Chapter Twenty

"Dude, you suck at this!" Ryan roasts his defensive partner after beating him at yet another round of Mario Kart.

Adam shakes his head, exasperated.

"Where on earth did that blue shell come from? I had it!"

This round saw Adam in the lead through the majority of the race with Ryan trailing behind. Unfortunately, at the very last second, someone threw a blue shell at Adam and delayed his progress, allowing Ryan to speed past Adam to get to the finish line.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game," Ryan shrugs.

Adam puts down the controller, clearly done with this game. Ryan chuckles at his friend and decides to turn off the Switch. Sore loser.

Ryan feels like things have been tense between them lately, which sometimes impacted on their game on the ice. On his end, he felt awkward about hooking up with Adam's ex-girlfriend. He has no idea what Adam's issues are on his end, but the two have not been connecting like they usually do. Ryan decides the best way to remedy the situation is to invite Adam over for some one-on-one time. Hanging out in a group setting prevents the two from bonding.

At some point, he is going to have to tell Adam about Sydney, but for right now, his main focus is fixing their friendship and getting them back on the same page. When he feels the time is right, he might find a way to tell Adam. The secret has been eating him alive.

"Hey, Lindy, can I ask you a serious question? No jokes or quippy comebacks from you."

It is now Ryan's turn to look at his friend in exasperation.

"What? I would never crack jokes during a serious conversation!"

Adam gives him a stern look.

"Lindy."

"Ok, ok, what do you want to talk about?"

It sounds like Adam is ready to tell him what has been going on with him. Ryan is not sure when push comes to shove, he is ready to reveal his side today.

"I want to talk about Sydney."

Fuck.

"Ok, let's talk about the she-devil."

Does he know?

"Stop it, Lindy!"

"What?"

"Can we not with the name calling just this time?"

Ryan raises both hands up defensively.

"I'm just calling it like it is!"

Adam disregards his comment and continues.

"I've kind of been off my game because the guilt of what I did to Sydney has been eating me alive. When she came back to the city, I never reached out to her to apologize," he admits.

Ryan is confused.

"Guilt? Dude, there is nothing you need to be guilty about. She left you and started hoe'ing around!"

"Lindy!" Adam scolds.

"I'm serious!"

He sighs. He needs to let his friend finish.

"Go ahead, Foxy."

"Thank you!" Adam says, "that was why I invited her out to dinner that night. I feel like I needed to apologize to her."

Ryan is pretty sure Sydney was the reason they broke up. He has no idea what his friend is talking about, especially about apologizing. It is clear that Sydney tried to exhaust everything Adam had and left him behind. She created drama with Casey when there was none to begin with. It was infuriating watching this all go down. Now Adam is telling him that he needed to apologize?

"This is why I was so off my game. We talked it out, and I think got the closure we needed. I'm good to go now, I promise!"

"So, I spent your whole relationship watching her guilt trip you into giving her more attention instead of working on your game, watched her play victim and accuse you of cheating on her with Casey, leave you for Berkeley abruptly, just for you to apologize to her?"

Adam shakes his head vehemently.

"When you put it that way, it makes her seem awful. Lindy, there is more to what happened, and it is mostly my fault," he responds.

Ryan does not want to hear it. He knows the type of person Sydney is, and it is sickening watching his friend stick up for her and try to rehabilitate her.

"It's okay dude, I don't need to hear about all that," he says quickly.

Adam pauses for a few moments. Ryan has always been adamant that Sydney was the bad guy and would refuse to hear any other explanation that would prove otherwise. There is only one explanation, something that he has suspected and eventually, known for a long time.

"You're in love with her," he states plainly.

Ryan is shocked. The words that just left his friend's mouth make no sense. He is also wondering where Adam got this random idea from. Maybe they were not as good at hiding their fling as they thought. Adam just suspected something based on how he and Sydney have been acting around each other. But just because they were regularly hooking up does not mean that he is in love with her. He cannot be in love with Sydney Kreider because she's, well, Sydney Kreider.

He has been used to hating her very existence. There is no logical world where he is in love with her. There is no way, right? Ryan finds that sometimes he is not able to convince himself. He feels something for Sydney Kreider, and he has been a master at pushing the feelings aside. When did this all become so obvious to Adam?

"Dude, what?" Ryan scoffs.

"Lindy, I know you have been since forever."

Adam does not know what he is talking about. As far as he is concerned, he has always hated Sydney until they started hooking up. That must be when the weird feelings started to stir inside him. At least based on his recollection.

"I do need to tell you something," Ryan says instead.

He had not been sure if he would ever be ready to tell Adam about hooking up with Sydney but it appears that he has to now.

Adam waits patiently for Ryan to speak again.

Here goes, Ryan hopes that this does not forever ruin the chemistry of the Rangers' top defensive pair.

"Sydney and I were having sex regularly for like a month."

For some reason, Adam does not look surprised at all. So he has known this whole time. Ryan has no idea how.

"We stopped though. We got into an argument and I couldn't keep doing this to you, dude. I'm sorry."

His friend does not even look mad at all. The look of understanding on Adam's face is not what he expected.

"No need to be sorry, Lindy. I figured there was something going on between you two," Adam says calmly.

Ryan stares at his friend blankly.

"It was a mistake, it'll never happen again," he says after a period of silence.

Adam shrugs.

"Don't hold back on my account. As I said, Syd and I are done."

Ryan is not sure what Adam is trying to hint at right now. As Adam's best friend, Ryan should not have made any moves on his ex-girlfriend. That is just not right. Why is Adam so okay with this?

"I don't understand."

"I've always known that you were into her. I should not have made the move on her in the first place, but naturally, she is damn gorgeous and it seemed that she was into me," Adam explains.

Ryan has never spoken to Adam about the circumstances surrounding the start of his relationship with Sydney. All he knew was that Sydney hung out with him less gradually to spend time with Adam. The next thing he knew, they were in a relationship. Adam is right though. Sydney has never had issues with catching a man's attention. She is extremely attractive, and always manages to lure a guy in with her beauty. This is a big reason why Ryan never trusted her. He knew she is not to be trusted and yet he still fell prey to her just the same.

"I don't know if you knew, but when I first asked her out, she was hesitant..."

"Of course she was..." Ryan mumbles under his breath.

"Lindy, no, you don't understand, she told me she was wrestling with some feelings for you that she needed to figure out before she could even think about entering into a relationship with me."

Ryan balks.

"What?"

Ryan faintly remembers an outing he had with her shortly before she started dating Adam. She had invited him out to a picnic at Central Park. He remembers the tight little sundress she was wearing and how much he wanted to fuck her in it. She prepared sandwiches and fruits for their picnic. He wanted her so much that day, but he worked hard to be respectful. They were friends and he was not going to ruin it just because he was horny. At least that was what he thought he was feeling. Maybe there were feelings, but it was so long ago, and he might have forgotten what he felt for her at the time other than lust.

Sydney had asked him a lot of personal questions about his relationship history and his view on long term relationships. He remembered being dismissive because he was trying to forget how much he wanted her. He is now wondering if that was her attempt to explore her feelings for him. If he had been more receptive to her questions, maybe she would not have gotten into a relationship with Adam. Maybe she would eventually have chosen him.

"Yeah, she did not think it was fair if she just went right in. She said she had feelings for both of us, but wanted to figure out which one was actually genuine. I probably should've stepped back because I knew how you felt about her."

"And what did you think I felt for her?"

Adam groans in annoyance.

"Anyone with eyes knew you were in love with her and I bet you still are. You were always holding back and trying to convince yourself otherwise. It was so obvious to anyone but you guys. You would not come to terms with your feelings."

Ryan may be in denial because he can feel an internal conflict within him trying to prevent him from tapping into his emotions and memories of what he felt for her back then. He remembered the moment he laid eyes on Sydney at that team gala in that green dress, she was so breathtaking to him. He approached her and introduced himself because he had to. She was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life, and he might have wanted a chance with her.

They both started building a friendship. They were such good friends that he did not think pursuing her romantically would be possible. Besides, he could not tell if she ever felt the same way. He got the answers to his question when she began dating his best friend. Perhaps, the way he treated her was retaliation or jealousy. He was blindsided by the two of them and he blamed Sydney for so long. Maybe he was hurt that she chose Adam over him. He was hurt watching her fall in love with Adam and making plans to build a future with Adam. Maybe that was the future he wanted with her.

He closes his eyes as all the old emotions come rushing back to him. He remembered the way his heart did somersaults when she entered a room in a breathtaking outfit or when she would laugh at his dry jokes. He remembered his palms getting sweaty whenever they went out to the movies alone and she would lean close to him to get popcorn from his lap. Every time she smiled, his heart skipped a beat. Every time she cried, he wanted to destroy the source of her sorrows. He wanted to do anything to make her happy.

"Fuck," he curses at his realization.

"See? Lindy?"

Ryan opens his eyes, trying to snap out of his thoughts.

"Still doesn't explain why she left you," he justifies.

Adam groans again.

"It was my fault, Lindy. We started dating and things were good for a while. Conversation was good, sex was good," he pauses, "sorry dude."

Ryan holds a hand up.

"All good, man. I know how good she is in bed."

Adam rolls his eyes before resuming his story.

"And you remember, Kreids was on my ass about dating his sister. He did not support our relationship even if he didn't say it expressly. Things were tense between us, you remember this."

"Yeah, I do."

"Then I started to realize that I did not feel a genuine connection with Syd. I did not like her as much as she liked me. I felt my feelings for her start to fizzle out while she was scrambling to salvage us. This is why she appeared so needy to everyone else. I knew deep down, she really was fighting for us to work while I was pulling away."

Ryan had no idea.

"And you didn't break up with her because...?"

"Because she was Kreid's sister and I was a coward," Adam admits in defeat, "things were already terse with Kreids and the last thing our team needed was a breakup that would result in a real conflict between us."

Ryan is perplexed by all of this. He did not see any of what Adam was telling him now. It was not obvious that Adam had been the one pulling away from Sydney and she was clinging onto him in an attempt to salvage their relationship. All everyone else saw was Sydney being needy and trying to insert herself in every aspect of Adam's life, as if she were trying to make herself more important than everything else he had going on.

He is also disappointed that he could have had a shot with Sydney from the very beginning, but instead she got into a relationship with Adam that resulted in discontent. Ryan cannot guarantee that he would have been dedicated to a relationship with her and not fall out of love with her, but he knew he would have done better than Adam based on what he is being told now.

"When Casey came around, I guess I was getting all of my emotional stimulation from her? I had a talk with Syd about this the other day. She felt like I was getting all my emotional needs from Casey and not from her. I did not see it at the time, and I do struggle a bit to see it now, but Syd saw it all clear as day. Sydney was insecure but maybe I gave her a reason to be. I did not really give Sydney my dedication and it was obvious to her."

Ryan nods in comprehension.

"And she felt like she needed to be the one to make the decision to break up."

"Yes, so I wouldn't have to do it. I was a coward. Our relationship ran its course and I just kept dragging Syd along without realizing how much it was destroying her."

Ryan's heart aches for Sydney. He hates himself for the way he treated her during and after that relationship. He was awful to her. All this time, she was fighting heartbreak and trying to keep herself together. She was in a relationship where she felt undesired. She had to make the choice to leave because that was the only way she could save herself and Adam. Meanwhile, he had been an absolute ass to her, accusing her of being a witch, a she-devil, a siren, and a whore.

"Dude, you were kinda awful," Ryan breathes out.

Adam takes a sip of the seltzer in his hand.

"Yeah, I know!"

"And so was I... fuck."

"Yeah."

"She kept wanting to explain her side of the story and I told her to not even bother. I knew who she was and I was not going to fall into her trap like you did," he says regretfully.

Adam continues drinking from the seltzer can.

"I don't know if it is too late..."

"That I cannot tell you," his friend admits.

"So why are you not mad that I want Sydney?"

Adam puts the empty seltzer can on his coffee table.

"Because she should've chosen you in the first place. I don't think I ever really loved her enough to feel like anyone would break the bro code for moving in on her."

Ryan is quite sure it is too late for him to have another shot with Sydney. He was the Satan incarnate that morning when he was shooting her down and blaming her for everything. He would not blame her if she never wanted to talk to him again, but damn, does he want to try.

He needs some time to process his feelings for Sydney because right now he is so overwhelmed. Ryan wants more than anything to be with her, that much he knows. As much as he wants to touch her and be inside of her again, this time feels different. He wants all of her and he regrets not realizing it until now.

Adam gave him his blessing. The only obstacle is convincing her to forgive him.

"I am going to have to try."

-*-

Sydney walks into the living room to see Chris and Jade watching some HBO show on TV. She hesitantly sits down on the seat across from them and clears her throat. Jade reaches over Chris for the remote controller so she can turn down the volume.

"Hey, Syd, what's up?" Chris asks, sensing the discomfort in his younger sister.

She musters up the courage to speak to Chris and Jade about the secret she has been working to keep under wraps for weeks. They both sensed something is up, but they never pried when Sydney shut them down. Now she is in a place where she has to come clean. The lies and the heartbreak has been killing her. She has Chris and Jade in her corner. If she continues to shut them out, she will not be able to turn to them for help and support.

She has to do it.

"So, you know how I've been sneaking around and sleeping over somewhere?"

Chris takes the remote from Jade's hand and turns off the program completely.

"Yes, your mystery friend without a name," Chris teases.

Sydney hums in agreement.

"So your friend does have a name?"

Here goes...

"Yes, it's Lindgren."

And she braces herself for her brother's angry reaction. Sydney is afraid to look at Chris so she opts for Jade instead. She is staring back at her, clearly shocked by this revelation, but she does not look mad. Jade promptly turns to Chris as he shoots up from his seat.

"I'm going to kill..."

"Chris, you are not going to kill anyone," Jade says calmly, nudging her husband to sit back down.

Chris huffs loudly but sits down.

"So Lindy has been messing around with you?"

Sydney hesitates. It might not be a good time to talk to Chris about what Ryan said to her that night in her hotel room.

"We're both consenting adults, Chris. But we called it off so you don't have to worry about it anymore."

So much for wanting to have shoulders to lean on. If she cannot tell them that she is hurting from what went down, then what was the point of this conversation?

"Lindy jumping at the opportunity to go to Berkeley is starting to make sense now," Chris murmurs.

Jade turns to Chris with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Lindy went to Berkeley? Why?"

Sydney turns away from them awkwardly. Sounds like Chris never told Jade about Sydney's drunken night at Berkeley.

"Listen, don't make this a thing, okay? I wanted to be honest with you. Chris, I am so sorry for messing around with another one of your teammates..."

"You have feelings for him," Jade states.

Her statement did not come out like a question at all. For some reason, Jade knows what has been going on this whole time, it feels like. Between Jade's statement and that knowing look from Adam, Sydney is starting to realize how bad they had been at hiding their fling from other people.

"And he feels the same way about you," Chris finishes.

Now Sydney is looking at her brother with an eyebrow raised. This is news to her. Ryan made it clear to her that she wrecked Adam and that he would never forgive her for what she did. There is no way he has feelings for her. He just wanted to have sex with her and blame her for luring him into her bed.

"No, he does not. We stopped so you don't have to worry about it," Sydney tries to dismiss this topic but Chris looks like he is not done.

"No seriously though. He's been into you since the beginning."

Jade takes it upon herself to pipe up too.

"Yeah, even when he was a dick to you, he was always trying to take care of you. I am not condoning this 'be a dick to a girl you like' behavior, but he has been crazy for you since the day you met."

"W-what?" Sydney splutters.

Chris scoffs.

"Did you not see him that night? He was practically stumbling over his words trying to talk to you. If I remember correctly, you were pretty into him too."

I was, she reminds herself. She had no idea that Ryan ever had a thing for her. All she knew was that she tried to be more than friends with him and he rebuffed her. When she was getting closer to Adam, she decided to give it a shot after it was clear that there was not going to be anything between her and Ryan.

Maybe Chris and Jade are delusional.

"To be honest, that's why I was pissed when you started dating Foxy. I knew it wasn't right for either of you," he admits.

Sydney stops.

"Wait a minute, you told me you just wanted me to be happy when we were at the tennis club!"

Chris shrugs.

"I didn't lie! I just didn't tell you that I was pissed and this was why tensions were high with Foxy. I had a feeling he did not really want to build a future with you. We handled everything professionally but it was still hard."

"I'm sorry Chris,"

"No, it's not your fault. Nor was it Foxy's. You both just needed to handle the situation like adults, and as a result, it drove you away from New York."

She acknowledges that what she did was not 'handling the situation like a adult.' She ran away. She was scared and concerned about the tension between her brother and Adam. She knew Adam was in too tough of a place with Chris to break up with her like he wanted to. Sydney just decided to take the coward's way out by leaving and breaking up with Adam without an explanation. She hid behind the Casey excuse even though to this day, she believes her feelings about Casey are valid.

"Well long story short, Ryan and I are not happening. There is too much history, with Adam and everything, for us to be together. Besides, I'm not complicating your life again," Sydney says dismissively.

Sydney is feeling guilty that she had been ready to give being with Ryan a shot. She had told him she would be willing to if he was. Sydney certainly was not thinking about the impact it would have on Chris. This just shows that she has learned nothing from her experience with Adam.

The best she can do is to not even bring this up to Chris and Jade.

"Hey don't put this on me!" Chris says defensively, "I'm going to mind my own business this time around, unless he hurts you, then I give him a stern talking to."

"Chris, we're not going to be together regardless of whether or not you approve. I just need to move on."

Chris and Jade exchange a look. The former turns back to her with an understanding smile.

"Ok. Thank you for being honest with us."

"And thank you for understanding and not freaking out," Sydney replies.

Chris and Jade both rise from their spot on the couch and walk over to pull her into a group hug.

"We're always here for you, Syd," Jade says.

"I love you guys," Sydney tightens her arms around the two.

There is the love and support that Sydney was looking for. This is exactly what she needs right now to get over Ryan Lindgren.

---

While we are approaching the end of this story (three chapters left!) I wanted to let you all know that I am wrapping up a "sequel" about Jade and Chris. I will be posting the first chapter at the same time as the last chapter of this story. I will be sure to note it in the end notes of the last chapter.