SILENCE BETWEEN SONGS . . . oneshots

🎶 spinnin.

apitw scene ; happy birthday callumsluv !! after i replied to you on labor day i realized that i needed a birthday present for you and i rushed to write this so um...that's why this is so bad. but the good news is you're getting a part two!! but tbh the part two will probably be more your birthday present and this is more mine because i love me some angst!! and also i kinda derailed this so um yeah. anyway i love you so so much and happy seventeen <33 you're my #1 fav forever and always.
— warnings : depictions of bad mental health. count how many times i used the word "spinning" because holy shit i overused it. implied...something between julian and dionysius idk man i told you it got derailed.

❝ i woke up, fell back to sleep
cause i'd rather live in my dreams ❞

JULIAN WOKE UP alone.

He usually wakes up alone. This day shouldn't be any different.

But today his eyes felt too heavy to open, as if there were weights on them forcing them closed. His body felt numb, and he found that he couldn't lift a finger. A dull ache passed through him, settling at his heart.

Why was he feeling this way? He searched for a reason, his mind settling on the dream he'd had that had woken him up. A dream involving him and Nesrine, running away together . . . living in some old, Victorian-era house far away . . . being open with their love, not having to hide it.

Despite how much he tried to stop it, he couldn't stop a tear from making its way down his cheek. That's why he felt so lost. So empty. Like a piece of his chest was carved from him and he was left with a gaping hole revealing his fractured heart.

He loved her. No, he loves her. And she tore them apart — tore him apart — with no remorse in those dark, dark eyes or in the emotionless expression she puts on her face as if it was one of the expensive dresses she wears immediately when classes end, sick of the tacky Hogwarts uniforms. Or so she says, but he won't deny it, not when he's the one zipping up her dresses after a romantic tryst.

She was the best thing he'd ever had. And now she's gone.

( Sometimes, he thinks she's the first thing he's ever had. She isn't owned by anyone, he knows this, but she was his. The middle child who comes from a poor family didn't own a lot that had first been his, but Nesrine was one of them. )

He found the strength to sit up. Then to push one of the curtains around his bed away. Then to get out of his bed. The weights that had been pushing on his eyes were pushing against his entire body now, but he moved despite them.

Still, his mind and body felt numb as he glanced at the clock. It was eleven o' three. The same time he'd gotten back from meeting with her.

11/03. The day he'd met her, at Sirius's birthday party.

Julian wanted to rub at his face, but his hands wouldn't move. Couldn't do anything other than push him off of his bed and stumble to the bathroom.

None of his other roommates were in the dorm. If it was the morning, he would've wondered if they thought of him. He always got up early, sometimes even beating James, who was known for forcing them awake at the crack of dawn to practice Quidditch. If it was the night, Jules would've been concerned about why none of them were in the dorm.

But he didn't want to know how long he'd been asleep, didn't want to know where they were or what they were thinking of him. He just wanted this numbness to be gone. He just wanted to stop being frozen.