heartstrings

Chapter 4

Nicholas
September 29th 2017

Matt insisted I join him at this birthday party, some place belonging to his "super hot new girl". I tagged along reluctantly, not caring whose birthday party it was or who would be there.

Parties like these were all the same anyway– loud music, alcohol flowing freely, and people pretending to have a good time.

The whole drive there Matt was talking about how excited he was to finally see "his" girl again and as soon as we arrived Matt disappeared with Lacy, leaving me to fend for myself amidst a crowd of strangers.

I couldn't stand the small talk or the forced smiles– that was Matt's thing– he was the talker and I was just the watcher, so I slipped away to the garden, craving the solace of nicotine and solitude.

In the garden, dimly lit by string lights, I found what I needed– a guy discreetly selling drugs. Normally, I'd be more selective about what I took, but tonight, I didn't care. The guy offered me Molly, and i didnt bother asking for anything else.

I popped the pill and lit a joint, leaning against the cool stone wall, waiting for the drugs to take effect.

Taking drugs wasn't something I planned. It started with curiosity—a joint passed around at a party, the thrill of rebellion tingling in the air. I was fourteen, maybe fifteen—old enough to know better, but too young to care.

At first, it was about escape. Drugs offered a fleeting reprieve from the weight of expectations and the ache of loneliness. They softened the sharp edges of my emotions, offering a temporary numbness that I craved in moments of vulnerability. They allowed me to forget about all the shit going on at home– even if it was temporary.

But as time passed, what began as curiosity morphed into dependency. The drugs became a crutch, a way to silence the relentless churn of thoughts and soothe the restlessness within me. Each pill, each hit, offered a tantalizing escape from reality—an allure that grew stronger with each passing day.

Now, standing in the garden under the soft glow of string lights, I wrestled with conflicting emotions. Shame mingled with relief, regret with a desperate longing for peace. The drugs were taking effect, weaving their familiar spell of detachment and euphoria, offering a fragile moment of respite from the complexities of life.

That's When Eva found me– or was it Eve? Anyway she seemed to recognize me instantly, her face lighting up with... genuine joy?

"Smoker guy!?" she exclaimed, weaving her way through the garden foliage to reach me. " I didn't know you were here"

I looked around in confusion, Smoker guy? Was she referring to me?

"Smoker Guy?" i asked

"Smoker Guy!" was what she answered full of excitement

The Molly had already started to loosen up my usual defenses, and I found myself more open to conversation than I usually was.

Eve chatted animatedly about everything from school gossip to her latest adventures, and for once, I didn't mind listening.

"Let's get out of here", Eve suggested suddenly
"And go where?"
"I don't know, Anywhere"

Her eyes flickered mischievously as she glanced at the unattended wine bottle perched on the edge of the garden table. The party buzzed behind us, a distant echo of laughter and music, but here in the shadows of the garden, we were conspirators in search of a thrill.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" she whispered, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

I chuckled softly, my earlier reservations melting away in the face of Eve's infectious enthusiasm. "Absolutely," I replied, matching her grin with a nod.