heartstrings

Chapter 47

Evangeline
8th March 2018

On the eight day of March 2018 at 1.06 am Nicholas DeLuca died for exactly three minutes.

Three minutes that felt like a lifetime.

When Matt told me, it was as if the air had been sucked out of the room, I couldn't breathe.

This was the first time in my entire life where I felt so lost and ruined that I didn't want life anymore.

I'm sitting in front of his room now, staring at the door like it holds all the answers my heart definitely needs.

But no matter how much I beg, they won't let me in.

"Please, I just need to see him, for one minute. I need to see his face." My voice grew more and more desperate over time.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but you can't go in," the nurse said, her voice gentle but firm.

It's killing me—this waiting, this not knowing. My hands won't stop shaking, and all I can think about is those three minutes.

I lost him.

What if he doesn't come back to us?

Cass hasn't left my side since Nic was found.

She's been here the whole time, she held me when I cried, tried to comfort me in this awful place.

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered when I told her she didn't need to stay.

But I'm glad she did.

The waiting room is eerily quiet, with only the soft hum of the vivid lights overhead.

The weight of Cass' head on my shoulder is extremely comforting, even her warm breath again my neck gives me some sort of physical comfort.

Almost everyone is asleep now.

But not me.
I can't close my eyes.

Every time I try, I see Nic's face, lifeless and cold, and I feel that crushing fear all over again.

My parents are here, too, sitting on the seats in the waiting room, but they don't say much. My dad keeps clenching his fists, while my mom just stares at the floor, looking tense.

No one knows what to say.

What could they say?

It's not like they could take this pain from me.

March 9th 2018

The sun has risen again, though it feels like time has frozen, I haven't slept.

My eyelids are heavy, but every time I close them another horrible picture is painted in my mind, a coffin being lowered into the ground, Nic's face grey and gone, worms digging through his corpse.

My dad brought me a cup of coffee this morning. "Are you alright honey? Do you want to go home for an hour and maybe go shower and take a nap?" he asked, pressing the warm cup into my hands.

I shook my head drastically, I can't leave him, what if something happens? What if he wakes up? Instead of answering  I just sipped the coffee, trying to feel anything other than this gnawing worry.

Cass must've left sometime during the night.

I didn't even notice, my thoughts were with Nic, every second of every moment.

It's just me, Matt, his parents, Nic's dad, and my dad now. My parents have been taking turns on who stayed with me and who went home to Alex.

Seeing Matt's parents here, how much they care for Nic, makes my heart ache. I never knew how deep their bond was, how well they actually got along, but they did and that's what Nic needs, a family.