heartstrings

Chapter 61

Evangeline
April 3rd 2018

The walk to the therapist's office was uneventful, the kind of walk that feels both too short and far too long when you're anxiously anticipating something.

I kept glancing at my phone, checking the time, even though I knew I was on time, that I'd left early enough to ensure I wouldn't be late.

My hands tightened around my phone, knuckles white, as if gripping it harder would ease the tension coiled in my chest.

The weather was relatively calm, a mild sort of overcast that I barely noticed until later. My mind was too occupied with thoughts of Nic, imagining how he was doing, what he was feeling, and most of all, what kind of state he'd be in when I saw him again.

This was Nic's first therapy session, something we had both known was necessary for a while now.

But knowing didn't make it any easier.

It had taken weeks of gentle conversations, a few light arguments, and a lot of internal struggle on his part to get here.

I could still remember the day he finally agreed to it, the way he sighed deeply, as if the decision itself was a weight he wasn't sure he could carry. I had been so relieved, but that relief had quickly turned into worry as the appointment date approached. I knew this was going to be difficult for him, but I didn't know exactly how difficult, or what he'd be like afterward.

The sky seemed to mirror my mood, the clouds shifting slowly, neither fully bright nor entirely dark.

The sun was somewhere behind them, casting a faint glow that did little to warm the day.

I tried to focus on that faint light, to let it soothe me, but it was no use.

I kept replaying the conversations we'd had in the weeks leading up to today, the way Nic's voice would catch sometimes when he talked about why he needed to go, the way he'd look away from me, his eyes distant.

I wished I could've been there with him, holding his hand, but I knew this was something he needed to do alone.

The building was modest, not exactly warm or welcoming, but not cold either.

It looked like any other medical office, with beige walls and neatly trimmed bushes lining the path to the entrance. I stared at the front doors, willing them to open, even though I knew Nic wouldn't be out for a while.

My heart thudded in my chest, each beat a reminder of the time slipping by, of how close I was to seeing him again and finding out how it went.

The rain started as a light drizzle, barely noticeable at first, just a few drops here and there on the windshield. I almost didn't notice it, lost in my thoughts, but then the drops grew larger, more persistent.

Within minutes, the drizzle turned into a steady rain, wetting my hair and body faster than any shower ever could.

The sky, which had been merely overcast, darkened further, the clouds growing heavier as if they, too, were weighed down by the gravity of the day.

I frowned, glancing up at the sky, hoping it wouldn't get worse, but knowing that it probably would.

I pulled out my phone and checked the time again, then scrolled through my messages to see if Nic had texted me, but there was nothing new.

Just the usual conversations we'd had earlier, about what time I'd pick him up and whether he wanted to grab dinner afterward.

I knew better than to expect a message during the session, but I checked anyway, hoping for some kind of reassurance, even though I knew there wouldn't be any.