The Dancing Ghost ★ Edward Cullen

Letter i

I have always knew that I'd lose you both.

There was a stray cat that I used to take care of when I was a child, I loved her with the purest of loves from my unscarred heart until she died one day.

That was when I became aware of mortality.

My hugs became tighter ever since, though I knew that no matter how much I held onto you and sobbed into your arms, I'll never be able to keep you.

And I was right.

Mom, Dad, I still haven't visited your grave.

I refuse to believe that it exists.

There came a time when I was young where I thought that the only way to escape grief was to never love at all.

But god, how can I not love in a world that deeply needs it?

How could I not return your embrace?

I regret loving you and I regret every second I spent hating you.

I wish you wouldn't have brought me into this world if it meant having to watch you go.

I always told myself that if you must leave, I'll hate the very earth that wraps your body.

And yet here I am, my heart filled with so much love to give.

I smile at strangers and bleed my heart out for every creature.

My empathy is eating me alive, I have the heart of a child.

In a way, I never left your house, clueless child who never knew when to stop.

This world is no place for me, so much to love yet so much to grieve.

If I try to leave with blood, I will be in debt to their tears.

If I get rid of my heart, would it be a fate worth than grief?

Tell me god, is it worse to grieve or to never love enough to?

Is there no way out of the heart?

- Anastasia