YEH DOORIYAN

Thoughts

Summary of previous part:
Amar calls Achintya in his office and accuses him of leaving Meethi Alone in the car to enjoy himself at the concert with his friends.When Achintya tries to explain his side of the story, he doesn't believe him.He belittles Achintya using his sharp tongue and claims that Achintya doesn't care about Meethi, refering to Meethi as 'Meri beti', implying that Achintya doesn't consider her to be of any importance to himself.he also accuses Achintya of being selfish and always choosing his own desires and his love for music over everything else, even the wellbeing of his family. He tells Achintya that one day his love for music will get someone killed. Achintya had suicidal thoughts while listening to Amar's lecture, thinking that his family neither trusts nor values him, and fiddles with a familiar object that he keeps in his pocket to get through the lecture. Amar  gets angry as he thinks Achintya is not paying attention to him and playing with the object in his pocket and reprimands him for it.as Achintya is leaving,Amar delivers a final blow by saying Achintya was going to get the entire family killed due to his passion one day.Achintya rushes out the office.

Achintya rushed out of the office, his eyes burning with unshed tears and his throat heavy with the force of holding back sobs. He longed to cry and scream but knew he couldn't. He wouldn't break down in front of Amar in his office. He couldn't. He couldn't let Amar see how terribly he had hurt him. Crying in front of Amar would be perceived by him to be admission of guilt, an acknowledgement of his mistakes and would give Amar the satisfaction of having made his point and gotten through the skull of his thick headed son. Walking out without a work was defiance pure and simple in Amar's book and Achintya was defying his father's authority over him by walking out even as Amar continued to utter hurtful words to him but Achintya wasn't about to pretend he was guilty for a mistake he never committed. He would rather be defiant than guilty for something he didn't do.

Guilty, was Achintya guilty?

Yes, he was. He was guilty that he parked his car in a shady spot without properly checking the area. He was guilty that he didn't try to come back sooner. He was guilty that he didn't drag Meethi along with him to the mall instead of leaving her there to complete her assignment. It had never even occurred to him that such a thing would happen in such a short span. Infact, in the moments before entering Amar's office, guilt had been Achintya's major emotion. He had been feeling not just guilty but downright criminal even though the situation truly been his fault entirely. And had Amar chosen to berate him for any of these reasons, Achintya would not only have accepted it but also agreed with him but Amar choose to play different cards. Amar had chosen to berate Achintya for not caring about Meethi. For not valuing or loving her. He had berated Achintya for putting himself and his own desires above his family. He had chosen to strike at Achintya's love for music, claiming Achintya valued it more than the life of his family members.  And now Achintya wasn't guilty. He had never done any of these things so he wasnt guilty for them and wasn't about to be.

Achintya's guilt was long gone and it was replaced by a fire burning in his heart that threatened to consume him whole. The fire of the words left unsaid, the love he never felt and the passion with which he was beginning to hate his life and anyone and everyone around it.

Now Achintya's guilt was replaced by a strange cocktail of emotions. A cocktail whose ingredients Achintya couldn't quite identify. He tasted a bit of anger, but pain was a more overpowering flavor, there was a sharp dash of resented and perhaps a sprinkle of self pity too. It was too much for Achintya to handle.

With a sudden frenzy he unlocked his car and opened the door a tad bit more harshly than neccessary. He started the ignition and started driving, hardly knowing himself where he was going.

 In the safety of his car, he had finally given in to his emotions and his tears fell freely and his body shuddered with forceful sobs but his hands gripped the steering wheel with a death grip as he drove without any destination in mind yet fueled by strong sense of unknown purpose that he himself couldn't understand.