Sex Education

Feelin'

June

Liam didn't know what they were doing. They'd meet up at Noel's place and talk and touch each other for a few hours. It had been that way for three weeks now. Liam found that he thought about her on the days he didn't see her. Thursdays took far too long to come around. He knew there was something inherently wrong about what they did. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a secret. Besides Noel, no one else knew. And he felt guilty about that sometimes. He'd come home late on Thursday and head straight for shower because he could smell her skin on himself. Even after he'd showered, he could still smell her perfume. Maybe it was just in his head. His mam didn't ask questions, but he could see she knew something was up.

Mary didn't know what they were doing and she couldn't stop. She knelt on the hard wooden bench at mass, her knees aching. She clasped her hands in prayer and screwed her eyes shut tight. It was wrong what they did together. She knew that. If it was right, then everyone would know. She wouldn't need to keep it secret. She felt a guilty flush spread over her face as she caught Peggy's eye as she made her way back from communion.

Her stomach clenched queasily. If she knew what her and Liam had done to each other, she'd be affronted. Ashamed. Her parents knelt by her sides. If they knew... her stomach began to churn. Flashes of Liam flew into her mind unwarranted. The kind of thoughts you shouldn't have in a chapel. The softness of his lips as he kissed her. His rough fingers slipping under her skirt, up her thigh, into her underwear. Then his mouth was on her as he moved hypnotically between her legs. His beautiful blue eyes were lust darkened with want for her. Then she would touch him. She would feel him hard in his trousers and she liked it. Wanted it. Loved it, even. Feeling him in her hands and mouth. She hadn't known what it felt like before, so she hadn't craved it. Now she craved it, him all the time. She was ruined. She felt the remnants of the communion wafer dissolve on her tongue.

"I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word, and I shall be healed."

She'd said those words only moments ago. She shivered, but she felt hot all over. A sicky, pleasurable feeling like the moment before you come where it feels like you almost can't take it. Everything was too close. Her parents on either side, the hard wood on her knees, the cloying scent of incense, and damp wood. She had to get out of here, or she'd throw up.

She tapped her mother's elbow.

"I don't feel well. Going out for fresh air." She whispered.

Her mother nodded as she slipped past. She caught Peggy's eye again as she happened to be looking at her. She walked quickly to the exit. As she stood outside the chapel, she pulled in deep breaths. This couldn't go on. Her little arrangement with Liam was slowly taking over her life. She couldn't stop thinking about him all the hours of the day and night. It wasn't normal. Before she was even aware of what she was doing, she realised she was making her way to Liam's house.

Liam heard a faint knocking on the door, pulling him out of his sleep. His mam was at mass. He was the only one in. He'd gone loads as a kid, but he'd stopped going once going out, and getting drunk and catching up on his sleep on a Sunday became more important. He hadn't minded chapel. He didn't get anything out of it. He didn't feel a connection with God there, but he didn't mind the place. It was quiet and peaceful and usually smelled nice. He had a problem once his mum was divorced. She hadn't been able to take communion after that. And he'd been so mad. She still went, which he didn't fully understand. But if it gave her peace, who was he to question.

He threw some clothes on neatened his hair in the mirror before he pulled the door open.

His eyes widened. Mary. She looked nervous. She was fidgeting with her sleeve and moving her feet on the spot. She smiled at him tightly.