We can't be friends but i will pretend

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Later, she texted that we could stay friends, and I said sure. I pretended to be more mature and empathetic while remaining an OK buddy. We texted casually, but it didn't seem the same for me and my damaged heart. Our conversations were shorter by the day, and I stopped texting as much in group. During the grieving process, they started a new WhatsApp group to which we were both added.
In the new group, Haniya confronted me She felt I was distant and lost, and she wondered if I was avoiding her. I said, "No, just got the busy."
How could I tell her you brought light into my life and then ruined it?
She informed me we don't talk anymore; I said, aren't we talking now?
She said, "You know what you mean."

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