The Elven King's Consort

Chapter 56: Only You

I couldn't help but look away from him as I lay there staring at the wall. He moved around behind me, staying silent, and I closed my eyes. The images of the fairy queen and the words she spoke repeating themselves left her mouth floating around and circled me. The letters were haunting and threatening. Squeezing harder, willing it all to just go away, I felt the bed shift under me. He was entering it. An arm wrapped around me and forced me to face him, but I kept my lids shut. The slight wet, cool sensation from my eyelashes touching the tops of my cheeks tickled my skin. Squeezing me tighter, pulling me closer to him, his chest rose and rumbled against me as he spoke.

"Talk to me," he said gently.

I shook my head, no, my forehead rubbing against his chest. His shirt was soft and comforting, and the smells dangerously inviting. Sighing, he stroked my hair and ran his fingers through it, combing away the curls across the bed, and I clenched my fists hard, staring at nothing in particular but avoiding his eyes and fighting the urge to give in to the nagging yearning to cry again. My thoughts were scrambled. I wasn't upset at Demetri for telling Cesteil as much as I thought I would be. He was only angry and doing what was right because eventually, Cesteil needed to hear everything, and at this point, it didn't matter whether it came out of my mouth or the lycans.

This wretched, weak body, full of agony and defective, keeps pulling me deeper into the darkness, where no matter how hard I try to climb up, the constant slip of my efforts forces me to fall back down. The bottom crumbles away each time, so when I am able to shake myself off and try again, I'm stuck starting from further. So many layers have formed, and yet I keep trying. Over and over. Never giving up on my resolve. Now, though, I feel defeated and no longer see the point in trying. I can't be of any use to anyone.

"Nadalia..." his worried voice snapped me out of the dark void, threatening to take away my vision and pull me in far away.

"Yes?" I said quietly, never moving.

"Don't shut me out, please."

The strain in his voice made my heart ache, and a quiver shook my bottom lip at that moment. The tears were dangerously close to spilling over the corners, and I fought hard against them. I can't keep crying. Nothing would be solved if I did. It would only burden him more. I didn't want to speak. If I did, my control would vanish instantly, and there was nothing he could do for me. No one could fix me. I will forever be broken and useless. A dead weight dragged around.

My face met my palms, and I pressed hard and hid away. I felt embarrassed and childish for acting this way. The vulnerable feeling eating away at my pride. I should stand up and laugh in the face of the universe and keep fighting and climbing, but the energy was drained from within me. The motivation to ignore the terrible news long gone left behind once the fairy queen's words hit my ears. I could've pretended everything was alright; that way, Cesteil, and Demetri would think nothing about the matter. The mission would go smoothly, and then I would have revealed everything to Cesteil and faced the reality of the truth, but I didn't. I was an emotional fool. I'm doing it again. I never learn. Constantly burdening those around me and causing problems.

"Stop it," he ordered, his voice becoming stern. His hands pulled at mine, revealing my face.

I glared up at him, seeing my disheveled reflection in his eyes.

"Nadalia, I know what you're doing, and you need to stop it. Those thoughts you are having are wrong."

"How do you know?!" I yelled, pushing off him, but my wrists were firmly grabbed, forcing me to sit next to him, unable to move. However, out of anger and defiance, I stared in the opposite direction.

"I know. I know you more than you think."

"Then it is all pointless..."

He shifted himself up, sitting closer to me. His face leaned near to mine, and from the corner of my sight, his eyes looked pained, and my heart felt like it would burst like someone stuck their hand inside my chest and squeezed it. It was hard to breathe. I felt suffocated and began prying my hands free, uncomfortable, and breathing hard, but instead, he threw me into his chest and squeezed me tight, burying his face into my shoulder. Staring up at the ceiling, my teeth clenched hard, and my eyes squeezed shut again, but this time, a tear fell thick and long, dripping down my chin right into the cloth.