R@ñt$

Too much info/another heartache

I wonder how many times I'm gonna write about my bad heartbreaks. This one hurted  me more than words can describe tho because it could've been avoided by a simple conversation and everything was going perfect between us. LITERALLY. I was about him and him only😔

He was everything I wanted in a person and more. I just hate that one day everything is good and peachy and all of a sudden you both hate each other. I hate the fact he couldn't talk to me but instead he went and talk to ppl whom times back then were very different from now and they never knew me like him.

Should I have deleted everything?

Yeah but I wasn't thinking bc I always kept things and I can see how me saying "in case I went back" would stir the pot but I really just need to stop saying shit and think before I do because little did that person know I did keep them in case I went back but I can't go back even if I wanted bc the account been deleted for awhile and if I was to start over it would be from the beginning again which I never planned on doing bc it wasn't me to start with  and it would take too long to gain it all back if I did
but I just lazy to erase the footage and instead I scrolled past everything like it was nothing which it was.

I never showed my face or my name so no one would have known plus it wasn't like I was this viral famous person bc it was nothing like that..

Be careful what you ask for..

I hate I be too open with my person. I was even willing to delete everything bc I was willing to make it work no matter what I had to do because we  made each other extremely happy and for something like this to ruin what we built and for him to say he rather go back to his vindictive ass ex than be played with by me was crazy..

Not once did I give him a sign or a reason that I was gonna play him like a dummy😔 and I never wanted to play with me at all bc if I don't like being played with why would I do the same to him..

I never felt love like this and for this to go down the drain like this was crazy.. I always wanted the best for him no matter what..

I wanted to be loved and I wanted my love to flow freely as it did.

I was his favorite and only and so was he to me. He say he doesn't keep things from his past but I do.. I keep pictures and reread every text message to relive the love we had until someone else comes along and make me not look at them anymore and think of that person as nothing...that's just how I move on
and I'll forget the past and forget to erase it but never does it affect my present.

Never knew it was a love like this before and never knew I was capable of being loved in such a way..
I planned on being with him and holding him down for a long ass time but for him to think of me this way after everything I said and done was beyond me.

I hate myself but also hate him for not coming to me first about the situation like a man is suppose to... 
I hate this love shit ...
nothing ever works out for me no matter how much of a good women I can be to someone.

7-14-2024