Becoming Agnostic for 6 Seconds: The Experience

One time, I felt the force of the air dragging me as if it wanted me to perish. I got pulled closer and closer towards the ozone layer, every second becoming closer to my miserable doom. The birds saw me, the logs, the water, the trees, the leaves, they all watched me in terror: the sky grinned at its success. I screamed at the top of my larynx, “Prithee, save me from this act of harassment!

O’ good trees, leaves, logs, water, and birds, why dost thou lookest at me with happy eyes? From the loud-crying city I was born, and now I shall meet my end. Make me stand on the calming ground again!” And, they all grabbed a lasso and saved me from the air!

Now, that was the moment I realized something: I was in a dream. So, I got up and got dressed since I remembered I had a Swifite ritual I had to attend to. There, as we were sacrificing cats, which are Taylor’s favorite animals, I got a thought from my brain. “Why are you doing all this?” and “Isn’t this illegal to sacrifice animals?” got to me. But, YOU CAN’T TRICK ME THAT EASILY, BRAIN.

But, when I got home, I realized that cats shouldn’t be sacrificed. Like, what psychopath would do that? So, I messaged our high Swiftie that I quit Swiftitism. I scoured through like, all of the internet to find the perfect religion for me. Hellenism? Hell no. Kemetism? Can I just say “Nah”? So, I stumbled upon, uhhh, what was it again? Yeah, Agnosticism. So, on the first second of my agnostic journey, I jumped 30 times in the air, celebrating my achievement.

On the second second, I scoured the internet furthermore to learn more about Agnosticism. I learned that agnostics are considered “indecisive” because they neither fully accept nor reject the existence of a deity. Umm, society??? What is this? Come on, society. You can do better than this. Like, I already know what I’m going to buy in Monopoly and also I only require like, 1 second to move Chess piece so I’m basically Magnus Carlsen.

On the third second, I thought about what it would be like to join Swiftitism again. ‘Cause, like, it was kind of fun. I mean, you get to sacrifice cats, listen to Taylor Swift songs for lunch, what more can you ask for?

On the fourth second, I realized that people were calling me EVEN MORE NAMES. Like, I’m NOT SKEPTIC, I’M THEEVOLUTIONDENIER!!!! How do you get “Skeptic” and “TheEvolutionDenier” mixed up in your head? So, I started to like, gain character development as if I was in a fantasy story. But, no. Unfortunately, I’m in a comedy.

On the fifth second, I rethought my life choices. I mean, yeah, I like the belief, but it’s just too much hate. Like, people calling me “Skeptic.” If your name is Skeptic, tell me: DO I LOOK LIKE YOU? I don’t even want to be called this, but you guys just keep BLABBERING ON ABOUT SKEPTIC. So, I got to thinking again: I’m just going to get hate. What’s the point of this?

What’s even the point if people are going to call me these one-dimensional adjectives? Can’t they just respect my choice and stop labeling me like I’m a product? It’s not hard to understand that labeling me as something that I am NOT is not good. Can society just shut up for a moment? This is ridiculous.

So, I, unfortunately, left Agnosticism. I mean, I would have LOVED to stay longer, but I’M NOT SKEPTIC and I’m not indecisive, okay? I can quickly make Chess moves; don’t underestimate me! So, that’s the story guys. I hope my story was INTERESTING enough since people these days just have SOOOOOO short attention spans.

And, that’s the end. I went back to Swiftitism, since there’s not people calling me “Skeptic” and “indecisive” there. I hope you guys enjoyed it. See you again in my next story!